Emery had made me a collage of my life. Sketches, photos, and painted figures meshed together in shades of blue and brown. I took it in as a whole at first, then the individual parts: a rowing crew on smooth water, atomic symbols, stars and galaxies, my heterochromic eyes sketched with astounding precision—there was even a diagram of Schrödinger’s thought experiment with the cat in the box. My eyes filled at a sketch of me and my father from my fifth grade science fair. An exact replica of the photo of us on my desk.
But it was the watercolor image in the center that stole my breath. A little blond girl and brown-haired boy, their backs to us, sat on a rock. The girl’s head rested on his shoulder, and his hand was on the exact center of her back.
“Do you like it?” Emery asked uncertainly.
“Emery…I…”
I nearly said it. The three words were right there, ready to escape from my heart and into the world, naked and defenseless against the circumstances that wanted to tear us apart.
“Thank you,” I said instead. “It’s the most incredible thing anyone has ever given me.”
Her smile was radiant as she kissed me. “I’m so glad. I wasn’t sure…”
“Emery, it’s extraordinary.”
She blushed. “I was shooting for ‘does not suck.’”
“My turn.” I went to my desk drawer and pulled out a small box wrapped in shiny green paper and a white ribbon. I handed it to Emery and sat beside her, my heart thumping as she opened it.
“Oh, Xander,” she said, lifting the locket from its black velvet box. “It’s so beautiful.”
“It’s kind of old…”
“Which is why I love it. Imagine the stories it can tell.” She handed it to me. “Help me put it on.”
Emery turned her back to me and lifted her long hair from her neck. I clasped the closure, and she hugged me. “Thank you.”
“You didn’t look inside.”
“Wait, really…?” she whispered, her fingers trembling as she opened the heart on its tiny hinge. Inside, was a little yellow petal, sealed in resin to keep it for all time. “Is this…?”
“From the flower you gave me,” I said. “I wanted you to have a piece of it too. Because it’s like a relic of that day. A sacred relic from the day that I met you.”
“A piece of our story,” she whispered.
“Yes, Em. Our story.”
Her tears spilled over, and she cried into my neck. I held her and kissed her, all the while too cowardly to tell her how I felt, old hurts reminding me how easy it could be for someone you loved to suddenly walk out the door. Then it was too late; time for her to get home.
I walked her to my front door. The night was black but soft, the front porch light casting a warm yellow glow. We kissed goodbye, and she stepped backward onto the path, grasping the locket in her palm.
“Hey, it’s snowing,” she said. She held out her hand, her smile radiant as she caught snowflakes on her fingers.
My heart ached to look at her. Her hair flowed in soft gold ribbons around the shoulders of her white cashmere sweater. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold. From under her bangs, her blue-green eyes were bright and brilliant. Everything about her was soft and warm, white and gold… I watched as snowflakes dusted her hair. I couldn’t understand how all of this beauty—the interior luminosity of her—could possibly be for me.
Tell her. Tell her now…
But the words remained trapped in my throat, restrained by a heart that was scared to declare itself the property of this girl whowas, in all likelihood, going to leave. Because she had to. Because her beauty wasn’t all for me, but something she needed to share with the world, far away from her father’s poison.
Then I let the moment slip out of my hands again. Emery crooked two fingers at me with a smile and stepped into the night.
Part IV
Merciless is the law of nature, and rapidly and irresistibly we are drawn to our doom.
—Nikola Tesla
Chapter 28
