"What if she doesn't love me? What if I made a huge mistake getting involved with someone who isn't a parent and can't understand what that's like?"
"She seems to like Sofia."
"She does, but she's been working a lot lately. I'm worried that she isn't as into this relationship as I am. That she's putting work first. What if she doesn't fit into my life?"
"You're saying she shouldn't put work first sometimes?"
"I understand that things come up, but she's working around the clock. She has a full bathroom in her office, and I saw clothes hanging on hooks. I think she's sleeping there."
"Are you concerned about whether she's taking care of herself?"
I sighed. "It's more than that. I want her to put us first. Is that wrong?"
Mom shook her head. "It's not."
"But it's not right either?" I sensed abutwas coming.
"Relationships are about compromise. Is there one that you can come to here, or is this a deal breaker for you?"
"I scheduled the reservations for a time when I knew it would be hard for her to get away. I think I was testing her."
Mom pursed her lips. "That's not very nice."
I looked away from her. "I had to know if she'd put us first."
"And of course, she failed. She didn't know she was being tested or that you wanted something that she wasn't giving."
My brows furrowed. "You're saying I should talk to her?"
"Relationships are about compromise and communication."
"That's a yes," I muttered.
"How can you expect her to give you what you want if you don't tell her?”
"Is it so wrong that I wanted her to put us first?"
"Not at all. But you have to tell her that's what you want, and then you can come to a compromise together. How did you leave things with her?"
"We gave her the gift. She said she couldn't go, and that was it. She was obviously busy, and I had to get out of there."
"Odds are that she has no idea that you're upset about this. Or she does, and she feels as badly as you do."
"She probably already forgot about the gift and us."
Mom gave me a look. "That's impossible. How can she not realize what a catch you are?"
"I'm not sure she sees it that way." She was willing to hook up with me in the middle of the night. She never asked for more. I was the one who said we should see each other at other times. I was the one who brought her into my daughter's life.
Would she even have cared if we continued to hook up? We did it the other night, and she never protested when I fucked her against the door, then expected her to leave. Maybe this was a good arrangement for her. She saw me as unavailable, which was good for her. She could work as much as she wanted and get a physical release when she needed one.
But that didn't jive with how we'd spent time decorating my tree, baking with Sofia, or building the light trail. That was nice, and she seemed as into it as I was. "Did I make a mistake?"
"I don't think love is a mistake. You can learn from relationships, but they're not a waste of time."
"I don't know."
She patted my hand. "It will work out. I promise."
