Adam presses the button to open the gate as I head out to the driveway. When Emily steps out of her car, I walk to meet her there.
“I hope you don’t mind me showing up like this. I’ve tried your phone, but you haven’t been answering,” she says as she waddles up, holding her belly.
“Let me guess … you’ve been speaking with our father? How’d you know where Adam lived?”
She eyes me like she can’t believe I just asked that. “Everyone knows that he lives here. It’ll be the talk of the town for months, if not years.”
I sigh, not really wanting to have this conversation and ready for it to be done with. “Look, I’ve had a really good day, and if you’re here to talk to me about Dad, I’d rather not.” I cross my arms, letting her know I’m not going to budge on this.
I love my sister, I do, but we couldn’t be more different. She’s always fit in here, with my father’s way of thinking, since the day she was born. I never have. I’ve always wanted more. I’ve wanted to live outside their narrow-minded box.
“Mom’s worried about you. Are you coming to church tomorrow?” she says, sagging her shoulders.
I know she doesn’t want to be here any more than I want her here. I hate having her stuck in the middle. I can only imagine my mom bugging her to come talk to me.
Knowing my mom won’t come here herself lights a fire so deep in my belly that I have to breathe out before it explodes inside me. That’s so typical. My mom has always lived for my father, not for herself.
He’s mad about my choices, so she has to follow his lead. She’ll never step out of his shadow. It both breaks my heart and pisses me off.
But, mostly, it fuels my desire for more. I don’t want my mom’s life. This life. I tried to come back here and do what they wanted me to do, but I was never truly happy. Not like I’ve been these past few weeks.
Adam has brought that out in me, and I’m not going to stop.
“No, actually, I’m not,” I say with more gusto than I planned.
“Sarah …”
“Emily …” I wave my hands around, mocking her, and then take a deep breath. It’s not her fault this is happening, and I shouldn’t take it out on her. “I know you think you’re here to help, but you’re not. I’m a big girl, and I can make my own choices. If Dad doesn’t like it, then that’s his fault.”
She sighs, glancing behind me to see if Adam is around. Thankfully, he stayed inside. “I just don’t want you to regret anything.”
“Regret anything? I regret giving up on my dreams. I was really making a name for myself in New York. Yes, what happened to me was awful, but Dad saying it was God’s way of getting back at me was fucked up, and you know it. Adam is lighting something within me that I’ve missed for years. I’m singing the songsIwant to sing. We’re singing them together. It’s what I’ve wanted, and it’s finally happening. So, either you’re standing beside me or you’re not. I’m not stopping though.”
She places her hands under her belly to help hold the weight, sorrow shining in her eyes. “You know I want you to be happy. I just hope you know what you’re doing. My babies need their aunt, you know?”
I place my hand on her stomach, feeling the bulge of what I assume is my nephew’s little behind. “And I will be, except I’ll actually be me, living the life that I want, that I’ve always dreamed of. Don’t you want that for me?”
Her arms wrap around me in a tight hug. “I do. Believe me, I do.” She lets me go and backs up just a bit, appraising me. “You do look happy. Tell Adam I’m grateful he’s helping you follow your dreams.”
I grin, thankful she’s not fighting me more on this, and I help her back into her car.
Adam steps out of the house as she drives away. “Everything okay?”
I lean up to kiss him. “Yes, things couldn’t be better.”
31
Adam
After putting Cailin to bed, Sarah leans into my shoulder, lying with me on the couch. “So, what other songs were you guys working on?”
“Already anxious to get back in the studio?” I tease her.
She smiles shyly. “Maybe.”
“We can go again tomorrow. I was working on a few different ideas and probably have enough that we could hash them out.”
“Seriously?” She leans back to look me in the eye.
