She grabs her purse and walks out my back door. I watch through the windows as she makes her way around my house, avoiding having to say good-bye to Cailin as she gets in her car and drives away.
* * *
Having to explain to Cailin why Sarah left without saying goodbye was interesting. It’s not often that I have adult-type conversations with her, and I didn’t want to tell her about Sarah’s past, so I was left in a bit of a quagmire.
She asked if she could call Sarah, but I wanted to give her some time, so I told her we would in the morning.
After putting Cailin down for bed, I walk down the stairs just as Sarah’s car pulls up to my gate. She has a code, but I watch as she sits at the gate for a few minutes, obviously still struggling with whatever is going on in her head.
I question if I should go to her, but whatever it is, she needs to work through it on her own. When her hand sticks out the window to push the gate code, I inhale and make my way to the door, glad she’s taking those last steps to have this conversation instead of running away like I feel she has many times before.
I open my front door and step down to the driveway. For a moment, she sits in her car, staring up at me before she puts it in park and exits.
Her lips rub together as she nervously makes her way toward me.
When she’s in front of me, her hand reaches out to touch mine. I stay silent, waiting for her to speak first.
“I’m sorry for leaving,” she says, barely above a whisper.
I curl my fingers with hers, letting her know it’s okay but waiting for her to speak more.
“I panicked. It’s all just happening so fast. I finally came to terms with having you in my life and then had that fight with my father. Knowing you’re in the music industry was hard enough for me to deal with. I never thought I would go down that road again.”
I can’t keep silent any more. “But why not?”
She wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me into her and burying her head on my chest. I let her, sensing she needs strength right now. I’m thankful she wants it from me instead of pushing me away again.
“I wanted your life so bad. I wanted to be the one onstage, having people sing my lyrics and screaming when they heard me perform them live. I was so close; I could taste it. Then, in the blink of an eye, it was gone. It took me over a year to recover from my injuries, having to have multiple surgeries. By then, everyone had moved on, so I did too. Especially with my father threatening to disown me. I’m terrified I won’t be able to make it through if it doesn’t work out again. I can only be crushed like that once in my lifetime.”
I wrap my arms around her tighter, holding her for as long as she needs. When I feel her body calm, I pull back, placing my forehead to hers. “It’s okay, Sarah. You don’t have to do anything today or even next month. You have talent, and I’d hate for you not to follow your dreams. I believe in you. I wouldn’t be standing here if I didn’t. Just be open to the idea; that’s all I ask.”
She nods her head ever so slightly.
“Come on. Let’s grab a blanket and go sit by the fire.”
She takes a deep breath and nods as we step inside to get the blanket before heading out back. As she cuddles into my side, I play with her hair.
I’m dying to talk about the songs I wrote, but I don’t want to push her. I’m happy she came back and that I didn’t have to hunt her down, begging for her to sing them with me.
It’s been a long time since a song I wrote has gripped me like this one has. There’s a feeling I get deep in my gut that proves what I’m doing is exactly what I should be doing, and this song is dead on. Even Jack was surprised I’d gotten as far as I did in the short amount of time.
When lyrics fly like that, you can’t deny their magic.
To my surprise, she brings it up first. “So, tell me about these songs.” Her sight stays glued on the fire and not on me.
“I started working on them the first night you came over.” I try to act nonchalant about them as I continue to play with her hair. “Every album I’ve put out is a little different as I evolve in my own life. After meeting you, I felt a new direction coming.”
“But, Adam, your fans are pretty hard core. It’s not smart to change your sound like that.”
I place my hand on hers. “I’m not. I’ll still have Devil’s Breed. Max is going to need a break, especially from touring. And, now that Cailin’s in school, I think I will too. I’ve been trying to figure out what my next move is for a while. When I met you, things started making sense, and that was when I had no clue about your past. It wasn’t until the other day that I thought about actually doing something with you. Jack only came over today because he remembered where he’d seen you before.”
“Donnie was such a good guy,” she says more to herself than me.
I rub my thumb over hers. “He said the same thing. I knew things went down in New York, but he never talked about it until today. When I told him about the songs I was writing with you in mind, he was on board. He says you have a true talent. I’d love to hear you for real.”
She laughs. “My dad would really love that,” she says under her breath.
“Is this your life or your dad’s?” I sit up to look at her.
