“Sure is.” I sit back, closing my eyes to enjoy this moment.
“That’s the biggest state yet!” she exclaims as she picks the phone back up, so I can see her again.
God, she’s beautiful.
“You got that right. We have four shows across the state. Tell me about your day, Sugarplum.” I use the nickname she said I should call if I was around someone who didn’t know who she was. Even though I’m alone, I still use it.
She thought having nicknames would be fun, and I’m pretty much game for anything she suggests, especially if it means I get secret things to share with just the two of us.
“Well, Chestnut,” she says excitedly because I remembered, but her tone changes quickly, and she frowns into the phone. “You know my teacher, right?”
“Yeah, Miss Russo. I thought you liked her. Did something happen?” My heart pangs at the thought of my little girl not having a good day at school.
“She doesn’t like my singing,” she says all grown-up and matter-of-factly.
A sharp laugh escapes my lips. “Are you singing when you shouldn’t be?”
There’s silence over the phone, and I know I’ve hit the issue on the head. Her eyes search the room and then land back on me.
“You know I love to hear you sing, but you can’t sing whenever you feel like it, especially if she’s trying to keep the class quiet,” I say in my best parental voice.
She breathes heavily into the phone, and her bottom lip pouts out. “Linda said the same thing.”
“And you listen to Linda, right? And Daddy too?”
“Yes, Daddy,” she sighs.
“We’ll have plenty of time to sing when I get back. Only a few more weeks, okay?”
Her little face turns even sadder, and I sit up in question.
“What’s that face about?”
“It’s nothing.” She slumps back in her chair.
“Cailin, obviously, it’s something. What’s up?”
“They’re having a father-daughter dance. Linda said it’s while you’re gone.”
My heart breaks in two. I’d give anything to have that dance with my daughter. Linda has my schedule, and if she says I can’t make it, then I can’t.
“I’m sorry, Sugarplum. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Next year, I’ll make sure my manager checks with your school before making our schedule, so I can be home for the dance, okay?”
She nods slowly, trying to put on a brave face, but the way her lip trembles does wonders on my soul. “Okay, Daddy. I know.”
There’s a knock on the door.
“One more minute,” I yell back. “I love you, little girl,” I say into the screen.
“I love you too, Chestnut.” She makes a big kissy face and then wraps her arms around her tiny body like I’m hugging her.
I do the same before saying good night and hanging up the phone. Whenever I talk to her, it both lights up my world and rips it apart. I want to be with her, but right now, I have a stadium with thousands of people screaming my band’s name.
I step into the hallway with chants of, “Devil, Devil, Devil,” seeping through the walls.
Loud stomps rumble around us, making the lights quake like we’re on the San Andreas Fault. The thunder of cheers echoes around us. It’s absolutely exhilarating.
Music is my life just as much as Cailin is. Until now, I was able to have both, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Normally, I’d have my own bus with just her and me while the guys traveled in their own bus. This is the first tour she hasn’t come along with me.
