He pauses, and I let him have his moment with memories that are obviously hard to take.
“Instead of keeping her away from drugs, Max was feeding them to her. They thought things were better just because we had money, but money doesn’t solve old problems.”
“So, what happened?”
“I feel kind of weird, talking about another girl to you.”
I laugh and hit his chest. “It’s okay. I know you’ve had sex with this woman. It’s kind of obvious,” I tease.
He chuckles under his breath. “Well, we were never a couple, but she ended up in my bed probably more times than she should have. On one hand, I feel like I was helping Max. At least if she was with me, we knew where she was.”
His hand roams down my back as I feel his shaky words leaving his body. I wrap my arms around him more.
“When she got pregnant, things were pretty bad. She wanted an abortion, but I begged her to keep it. I wanted Cailin more than anything in the entire world. So, I paid her.”
“You what?” I ask, making sure I heard that right.
He bows his head. “I paid her to have Cailin. I said I’d set her up for life if she stayed sober, gave me my child, and then walked away.”
I glance up, and our eyes meet. I know I should be surprised, but after seeing him with Cailin, I’m not. He was made to be a dad. Knowing he did everything in his power to keep his little girl, the life God had created, just solidifies my feelings for him more.
“I can’t believe she didn’t want to be a part of her life at all.”
“Not everyone should be a mom. Michelle had a horrible upbringing, and the thought of being a mom scared the shit out of her.”
The wind picks up, and I shiver, both from the cold and the harshness of this conversation.
“She took my offer, and from that moment on, she was in rehab and had someone by her side every minute until she gave birth. When Cailin was born, she wouldn’t even look at her. I was on tour, but we had Linda step in to help with Cailin and make sure Michelle was okay.”
He pauses, and I give him a moment to work through whatever is going on in his head.
“I’ll never forgive myself for missing her birth.” His voice cracks, so I wrap my arms around him tighter, letting him know it’s okay to have these emotions, no matter how tough he is.
“In the end though, it was a blessing I did. Michelle gave my real name on the birth certificate, and no one questioned a thing. We knew she was due around that time, so I was at my last show and able to come back right as they brought her home. I gave her a week to see if she would change her mind, but she was eager to sign over her rights and get the money.”
I can’t imagine a mom walking away from her own daughter. God knew what he was doing when he gave her to Adam. He knew Adam would protect her from everything, including her mom if he had to.
“So, what did Max say about all of this?”
He sighs. “He wasn’t too happy about the entire situation, but he thought getting Michelle clean and making sure she was taken care of would be a good thing.”
“Then, what happened?”
“A month after Cailin was born, he found her with a needle in her arm, dead from an overdose.”
“Oh my God …” I cover my mouth, feeling the pain they must have felt. Even though she didn’t want anything to do with Cailin, she was still her mother.
“Today is her birthday …” Adam says, rubbing his eyes. “That’s why Max was having a shit fit. He still struggles with the loss. She was his only family.”
“So, Cailin knows this?”
“She knows her mom passed away, and Max is her uncle; that’s about it. She’s too young to know the rest.”
I place my head back on his chest, digesting everything.
He rubs his hand through my hair. “I need to get Max help. His addiction is out of control.”
“Is he like this a lot?”
