What the hell am I doing?
“Stop getting inside your head,” Maggie interrupts the thoughts she knows are running through my mind.
We sit in silence for a few beats.
“Don’t let the past prevent you from being happy. I knew you had a thing for him when you first started talking about Devil’s Breed years ago. You never talked about any famous person—ever. I don’t think this is a coincidence that he just happened to show up at your doorstep—or literally, your classroom step. You always say you’re leaving your life in the hands of your faith. Well,fatebrought him to you. Don’t forget that.”
I stay silent for a few more breaths before she yells, “You did not wake my ass up to have a pity party. Now, quit it and tell me more about this kiss.”
I fill her in on the day. Once we say good-bye, I scroll on my phone, looking at our pictures from today.
It’s mind-blowing to have photos that I took of a man who I’d admired for so long, yet now, I’m getting to know him personally. Each one makes my body yearn to get to know him more.
It’s not just physical attraction. At first, I felt this magnetic attraction to him. I’d see his photos, and something inside me would sing, but I never understood it.
Now, it’s so much more. The person he is makes my insides jumble with nerves, butterflies, and leaps of joy, all at the same time. He has an old soul and isn’t afraid to show it when we’re together.
He’s nothing like what he portrays to the world, and that thought makes me wonder.
Cailin I get, but it’s more than that. Yes, I’ve never personally known true rock stars—only people like me, who were trying to become them—but he is nothing like what I imagined.
I think we put these people up on pedestals, but really, we need to realize they are human beings, just like us. It would be silly if every day of his life was like what he portrayed onstage.
I’m starting to see him more like Adam Tyler and less like Adam Jacobson. With this breakthrough, I don’t question when I pull up my phone and text him a few pictures from today along with another thank-you for inviting me.
To my surprise, his reply pops up right away.
I was just looking at the pictures I took as well. I think this one is my favorite.
I wait as the image comes across my screen and close my eyes in complete bliss when I see the selfie he took of the two of us.
I’m not sure what to say, so I send the red-heart emoji and then instantly regret it, afraid he’ll read more into my intentions than I planned. He texts back.
My exact thoughts.
My eyes widen at the sight, and I blink a few times at the message on the screen.
Cailin was asking if we could see you again tomorrow after church. Are you finished the same time or later since you have this other thing going on?
Reality smacks me across the face, and she’s a cruel bitch to bring down my high this fast. I felt bad about lying before, but now, I feel even worse since I’m getting to know them like this.
I should stop this. I already went down this road with my father, and it took me years to gain his trust back.
I hate feeling like the bad seed in a family who is looked upon in this city as royalty. I want to be close to my mom, and with my nephew coming, I can’t leave now, but that’s exactly what will happen if my dad finds out I’m seeing Adam.
Where will I go? What will I do? Will my mom and Emily be on his side, or will they fight for me?
I scroll through the pictures again, each one putting an even bigger smile on my face.How can I not want this?I was happy today. Truly happy. I haven’t felt that way in a very long time.
Maggie’s words ring in my head.
Fate.
I’ve left my life up to fate for years. My beliefs are what have helped me through those dark years where everything I ever wanted was completely gone. I didn’t know what I was doing, where I was going. I prayed every day for an answer or some kind of guidance to lead me down a new path.
Even though my dad said the accident was God’s way of getting back at me, I didn’t believe him. I didn’t want to. The God I know and love wouldn’t do that.
Faith. I just have to have faith that I’m doing the right thing by following the path that’s been laid out in front of me. I didn’t search him out. I haven’t been going out of my way to make this happen. Faith is making it happen, and I need to trust it.
