I scrunch my eyebrows. “He’s already seen me today. Wouldn’t it be weird if I changed?”
“OMG, have I not taught you anything? And let me guess; you have on skinny jeans, ballet flats, and a tank top with a cardigan over it?”
I glance down at my outfit that she pretty much nailed. “How do you know that when you can’t even see me? Where are you anyway?”
She pauses as the click of her high-heel shoes stops. Instantly, I can guess where she is. Bleecker Street. The place my life changed forever. That’s why she didn’t answer my FaceTime.
My stomach turns, but I push it aside and forget I asked the question. “Never mind. Okay, is that bad if I don’t change?”
Thankfully, she rolls with the punches like that didn’t just happen and groans into the phone instead. “Let me repeat this slowly. You are going to Adam Jacobson’s house. Do you want him to notice you as Sarah or Miss Russo?”
Memories of the way he said my name makes my heart flutter.I think he already sees me as Sarah.I close my eyes, my internal battle having an all-out brawl.
“Now, you have my nerves pinging,” I say, looking up to the sky for any guidance.
“Why do I live so far away? Why is it you and not me getting this opportunity? God, what I would do to climb on the man of my dreams.”
“Did you forget that I’m going to be there with his daughter?”
“Have you learned anything more about that? Where’s her mom?”
I bite my inner lip. Even though Maggie’s my best friend, I still feel weird about sharing anything about Cailin. Adam obviously kept her hidden from the world for a reason.
“I don’t know much. I’ve never asked about her mom, and all I know is that Linda’s a family friend.”
“I’ve tried to follow the news apps and blogs, but since no one could find anything out, the story has kind of fizzled. You’ve done a good job, helping to hide her. I’m hoping, now that his tour is over, it picks back up. I’m dying to know the scoop.”
My stomach knots for other reasons. I don’t want Cailin to be forced into the media. No little girl should have to endure that.
“Okay, I’m walking into a meeting, and I’ve got to go. Text me photos of outfits if you want my opinion, and I expect afullreport when you get home!”
We say good-bye, and I head to my room. If I’m going to change, I have a lot of work to do.
Every time I thought about it today, one thing came to mind: he’s probably the only person I can be myself around here. I’ve tried for so long to force that person away, yet here he is.
I put my faith in the hands of the Lord years ago, asking him to guide me. If this is his guidance, he’s either brilliant or he has a horrible sense of humor.
I inhale a deep breath, ready to give my life to my faith and see what happens. I figure, why not see if the woman I used to be still exists under this coat of armor I’ve been living under?
12
Sarah
I take apart my entire closet, trying to decide what to wear. I still have most of my clothes from when I lived in New York, but I haven’t worn them in years. When I moved back home, I went back to dressing the part of the pastor’s daughter, and when I started teaching, I completely gave up on any style I’d once had.
I don’t wear skirts or dresses like most women do here, but I don’t wear my short shorts or tank tops either.
I want to come off cute but not seem like I am trying too hard. This is just a dinner at his house with the other people who have been helping him with Cailin, so I don’t want to go overdressed.
I decide on a pair of ripped shorter shorts to show off my legs. It’s been years since I’ve let these puppies out, and I’m ready to rock them. For my top, I choose a muted fuchsia color sweater that’s a V-neck and tapered yet on the baggy side, so I can bunch up the arms and look more casual. I slide on some cute sandals and am out the door.
When I pull up to the Pleasants Valley estate, the gate is closed. I hit the intercom button, and Adam’s voice comes over the loudspeaker. “Come on in.”
The gate opens just as fast as my nerves turn my stomach upside down. I can’t believe I’m here, at Adam Jacobson’s house. My entire life, I’ve wanted this—to meet a man who is just as into music as I am—yet I gave up on that dream years ago.
How is it all coming back now?
It makes me want that dream again. I feel like I’m an alcoholic walking into a bar, not sure if I should take that sip and fall down that hole again. Those feelings I felt back then, they’re resurfacing, and I can’t help it.
