“Don’t say it.” She points her finger at me like hearing how much longer will be the death of her. “Come on, Emma. Mama needs to sit down.”
I try not to laugh as she takes Emma before heading toward her husband Chris. He’s the perfect son-in-law in my dad’s eyes. He’s faithful to both Emily and God, has a great job and is as clean cut as they come. His everyday wear is khakis with a polo shirt, and he doesn’t listen to anything but jazz music. He’s perfect for Emily but is someone nowhere near who I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
I walk toward the door, ready to greet our parishioners.
“Hello, Sarah dear. Are we going to get a solo again this morning?” Mrs. Osborn asks as she grips my hand in hers.
“Yes, Mrs. Osborn. I plan on singingI Can Only Imagine,” I respond, smiling sweetly.
She lets out a gleeful cheer as she turns to inform her husband, who is hard of hearing.
I’ve been singing in this church since I was six years old. What started out as singing in the children’s choir quickly turned into solos every Sunday by the time I was sixteen years old.
Even though being here isn’t what I truly want, seeing my father’s proud grin as I sing words of the Lord fills that emptiness inside me—at least for the hours I’m here. He says his church has grown three times the size because of my songs, but I know he’s just praising his “little girl,” as he still calls me. No matter how much not having his approval for the life I want hurts, seeing he’s proud of me here helps that tiny bit.
To him, I’ll always be his baby. He’ll never see me as the person I want to be.
I take my place off to the side once everyone is seated as music plays, and we wait for my dad to begin. When the door opens, I’m surprised to see Cailin and Linda enter.
I have a lot of students who attend this church, but this is the first time I’ve seen either of them here. I stand up and quietly make my way to them, welcoming them into our church.
Linda wears a sorry expression, apologizing for disrupting things with her eyes, and I make sure to motion that it’s okay, as they are always welcome. The music will play for a few minutes to make sure the people who are running late can enter.
I crouch down to greet Cailin first. “Don’t you look cute in your Sunday best?” I say, pointing down at her pink dress.
“Thank you,” she whispers. “My daddy told Linda to buy me the best dress she could find. It’s for the father-daughter dance next week.” She twirls around, showing it off.
“Is your daddy going to be able to make it to the dance?” I look up to Linda for confirmation.
Her face says it all as she slightly shakes her head.
Cailin’s face falls. “No, but Linda’s husband, Wayne, is taking me. I figured since I wasn’t going with my daddy, it was okay to wear the dress today too.”
“It sure is. I’m glad you came. Let’s find you guys a seat.” I take her by the hand and lead them to an open seat right before my father begins.
When it’s time to start the songs, I head toward the front with a microphone in my hand and start the words toI Can Only Imagine. Our church is known for our music, and when the guitar and drums join in with a soft beat, people’s faces light up but not as much as Cailin’s.
Her expression resembles the excitement of a little girl meeting her favorite Disney character, not one who’s listening to a gospel song.
After church, I notice them both waiting to talk to me. “Did you enjoy yourself?” I ask as I approach.
“You sing like an angel,” Cailin says, her tiny voice rising in joy as her face brightens.
I grin, looking at her and then Linda before saying, “Thank you, sweetie. Is this your first time coming to this church?”
Linda seems to blush in embarrassment. “I’m sorry; it is.”
I touch her elbow in reassurance. I know most people feel like if you live here, you have to attend this church, but I know not everyone feels that way. I’m one who thinks people have the right to not attend if they choose so.
“There’s no reason to be sorry. I’m glad you made it.”
“I was telling a friend how Cailin has you as a teacher. When they told us about your singing, Cailin begged to come.”
I lean down to be level with Cailin. “That’s very sweet. Maybe you can sing with me someday. Just like I tell you in class, there’s a time and a place. Here’s a perfect place.”
Cailin jumps up and down in excitement, pulling on Linda’s arm. “Can I, Linda? Can I?”
She laughs at her joy. “Of course, sweetheart. I’m sure your father would love to hear you sing one day.”
