“Don’t talk likethat.”
“No, Connor. If anything goes wrong, take care of her first. Anything you need to do. Promise me.” My lips quiver. He needs to know there is no question in the matter. If it’s my life or hers, he needs to chooseher.
His lips crash against mine, not saying anything. I feel the slight nod to his head and the choke in his throat when the doctor walksin.
“Are you ready,Mackenzie?”
Connor leans back, taking a deep breath and rubbing his eyes. I do the same before turning to my doctor andnodding.
As they roll me out of the room, I look at Connor, pausing for a moment to take in what my life has become. Here’s this man I have loved nearly my entire life and now he’s here with me, as my husband. I blow him a kiss and mouth “I love you,” hopefully not for the lasttime.
So many things run through my head as I’m wheeled into the operating room. The last time I was here felt so different. I was scared for many reasons. Now everything comes down to one thing. I place a hand on my belly, close my eyes, and think,This is for you, baby. We’ll meet soon, and I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, my sweet, sweet babygirl.
The next thing I remember is the feeling of Connor’s lips on mine. “Wake up,sweetie.”
I open my eyes only to blink them quickly shut again. On the third attempt I’m finally able to pierce the blur around me. I’m exhausted and my mind isconfused.
“Is she waking up?” I hear my momask.
I feel the softness of her hand touch mine on the opposite side fromConnor.
“Mom?” I whisper inconfusion.
“I’m here, sweetheart.” She rubs my handagain.
Panic rushes over me as I remember where I am. “Mybaby?”
“She’s fine, Kenzie, and so are you,” Connor says, a quiver to hisvoice.
“She is?” I ask in disbelief. “The surgery didn’t affect her?” My chest aches, and I try to sit up, causing pain to rush through myhead.
Connor rubs my arm as I place my head back on the pillow, wincing through the discomfort. “Yes, honey. And they were able to get a lot of the tumor. It’s amazing news, Kenzie. They couldn’t get it all but what they did get is going to giveus—”
His voice cracks, and Mom cuts in. “Much more time, Kenzie. Muchmore.”
She rubs my hand again, and my heart sings. It worked. I can’t believe it. Everything the doctor said came true. I’ll not only be able to carry her full term, but I’ll also get to see at least some of my daughter’s firstsnow.
Visions of what she’ll look like, what she’ll feel like when I hold her in my arms, and the smile she’ll give overwhelmsme.
I’ll actually get to be a mom for longer than I everexpected.
A rush of both excitement and relief floods through me. I made it. She’s going to beokay.
27
Dear Baby Girl,
My belly is getting biggerand bigger which means so are you. Whoever said being pregnant is fun should be shot. I can’t sleep, I can’t sit comfortably, and my feet are starting to swell. The only thing that gets me through it is you. When I feel you move, my entire world brightens. You truly are a miracle, and I’m in awe that my imperfect body is creating something so perfect. When you stick your little foot out, pushing hard on my belly, I’m even more in love and can’t wait to meetyou.
Super anxious,
Mom
Mackenzie
“Ithink everything is set up,”Tracy says, overlooking the table full of food for my babyshower.
“Ya think?” Ijoke.
