As I eat, I feel a constant need to move my left leg, feeling the strangest tingle and numbness through it. I move around, trying to not let it bother me, and hoping it’s just a pinchednerve.
“What’s the rest of your day look like?” I ask Tracy as I reach for my purse, ready to leave the restaurant after we’re finished with ourmeal.
I stand and find myself instantly reaching for the table for support but miss and tumble toward thefloor.
“Mackenzie,” Tracy yells and lunges for me, trying to break myfall.
I end up in her arms, holding on for dear life. My leg seems to have completely gone out onme.
“Are you okay? What happened?” sheasks.
She helps me back in my chair before I respond, “I don’t know. My leg was bothering me while I sat here but when I stood I lost all feeling and I couldn’t hold myselfup.”
No matter how much I try to push the thought out of my head, it’s creeping up and threatening to take over, and I can’t control it anymore. The only reason I found the tumor was because my toe, then my foot, went numb. Having my entire leg feel like that is not a goodsign.
The look on her face is the same fear I hold down everyday.
I spend the next few minutes moving it around and stretching it out, trying to get feeling back into it. It takes a while, but I slowly regain my strength and am able to walk out on my own. Tracy stays by my side, just incase.
Once I’m seated in my car, she squats so she can look me in the eye. “Does this happenoften?”
“No, this is the firsttime.”
“Are you noticing othersymptoms?”
I don’t answer and bite the inside of mylip.
Her shoulders sag visibly. “Have you toldConnor?”
“There wasn’t much to tell him until today.” I shrug, trying to defend myactions.
“It’s not just you anymore though. That’s my niece or nephew you have in there. You need to protect him or her too.” She places a hand on my belly. “Promise me you’ll talk to him and yourdoctor.”
I nod, keeping my mouth shut, afraid I’ll cry if I open it tospeak.
“I love you, sis,” she says and we both giggle. I love it when she calls methat.
* * *
Igostraight to my oncologist's office. I don’t have an appointment, but my doctor said I could call anytime, and I’m hoping he’ll have time to talk to me for a fewminutes.
“Hello, can I get your name?” the receptionist asks as I approach herdesk.
“I’m sorry. I don’t have an appointment. I’m Mackenzie Hayden. I’m a patient of Dr. Shaw’s. I was hoping I could talk to him for just a fewminutes.”
“Go ahead and take a seat. I’ll see if he can squeeze youin.”
I choose the chair next to a side table and pick up copy ofPeople, hoping it will keep my mind busy and my nervescalm.
I wait long enough to get bored, and then the receptionist calls me back to Dr. Shaw’s office and leaves me alone to wait. There are no magazines here so I twitch and checkout the decor, getting nervousagain.
“Mackenzie,” he says when he finally joins me. “This is a surprise. Is everything okay?” He sits behind his desk and waits for me tospeak.
“No, it’s not.” I tell him what happened at lunch with Tracy, not hiding my fear and being completely honest withhim.
His face falls, and he sits back with a sigh. My stomach drops, telling me all I need to know without saying a word. We sit in silence until he purses his lips together and leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “I’m sorry to hear this. I was hoping you wouldn’t get to this point for a few more months. How far along are younow?”
“Twentyweeks.”
