* * *
When I enter the bar,Alan’s already there. I take the empty seat next to him and he tilts his head to the drink sittingthere.
“Thanks.” I say, taking a biggulp.
“How is she doing?” he asks, getting right down tobusiness.
I shake my head and I tell him about the study along with the pulledfunding.
“Yeah, I heard about that study and wondered if she was in it. I’m sorry. What happensnow?”
“She won’t do chemo or radiation. She doesn’t want the end of her life to be spent in ahospital.”
Alan isn’t as affected as other people might be. He deals with cancer every day, but I’ve never known how emotional his job could be until rightnow.
I remember the days he’d beat the hell out of the baseball when we went to the batting cages or do twice the reps at the gym because he had to blow offsteam.
“I don’t understand how you deal with this, day in and day out, and with kids too,” I say, looking down at the beer in myhands.
“It’s hard. Shit, you’ve seen me firsthand at my worst, but there are a lot of people I help, and that makes it all worthit.”
We both stare off to space, drinking ourbeers.
“So what’s thenext—”
“She wants kids,” I bluntlystate.
“Okay…” he replies, confused by myoutburst.
“Is it possible? I mean, in hercondition?”
“Whoa, are you serious right now? You’re considering having a child with thiswoman?”
“She’s not just any woman. I’ve known her my whole life. There’s this connection, this, I don’tknow—”
“I get it. Believe me, I do. Once it’s there, it’s there. Shit, you were by my side when I lost my shit with Amy, so yeah, tell me aboutit.”
“But?”
“Do you even want kids? Up until a few months ago, you didn’t even want agirlfriend.”
“I know, right? Am I insane for even consideringthis?”
“Yes,” he says, without thinking twice. “Did she really ask you to dothis?”
“Not in so many words. She has this list of things she wants to do before she dies. Having kids isn’t on there, but she mentioned that’s the one thing she didn’t put on the list that she wishes werepossible.”
“And you want to sweep in, be the hero, and get her pregnant? Come on, bro. That’s a littlemuch.”
“Isit?”
He sighs. “You know I would do it in a heartbeat for Amy if she were in this situation, but”—he shakes his head—“it’s a lifetime commitment. Something you can’t go back on, especially when it’s guaranteed you’ll be doing italone.”
“But is it possible? In her condition?” I plead, wanting his professional opinion more thananything.
“If she’s not on any medications, then yeah, it’s possible. Advisable, I’m not sure. I’d have to see her films and dig a littlemore.”
“What would be the reasons notto?”
