“Don’t do this,” I beg. She sags in my arms. When my lips touch the top of her head and I whisper, “I’m here, I promise,” she straightens and yanksfree.
“No, Connor, don’t do this,” she says without looking atme.
“Do what? Care about you?” I reach for her again but she runs out the door,weeping.
“Goodbye,Connor.”
The doorslams.
I throw my hands around like I’m punching reality straight in the face. This is bullshit. I want to be there for her. I want to take her to doctor’s appointments and hold her hand when she’sscared.
Holy shit. Fuck.Me.
I run my hands through my hair in disbelief, finally admitting it tomyself.
I loveher.
Why would she not want me there to help her through this? Why the fuck are girls soconfusing?
After drinking two more shots, I call the one person I never thought I would call for love advice: mysister.
“What’s up, yo?” she saysslurring.
“Can you talk, or are you drunk?” I state, not beating around thebush.
“Whoa, sober now. Let me step outside.” She mentions to someone she needs to take this, and she’ll be right back. The music in the background fades, and she says, “Okay, I can hear you. Whathappened?”
“I don’t know what todo.”
“I take it you told her youknew?”
I huff. “Yeah, and it didn’t gowell.”
“What did you do, dumbass?” shequestions.
“I didn’t do anything. I swear. I asked her to come over and when I saw her I couldn't do anything but bring her to me, wanting to have her in my bed as soon aspossible.”
“Okay, first, please don’t say anything like that to me ever again. And second, were you acting desperate or something? I can’t believe I’m talking to my brother about sex, but I don’t see many girls being against thisfact.”
“I might have been. I panicked, so I did what I knowbest.”
“Again, ew, please leave that stuff out of thisconversation.”
“Tracy, get over it. I fucked your best friend but, dammit, it’s so much more than that. I loveher.”
“Yeah.” She sighs sadly. “I knew the second I saw you with her. Did you tell herthat?”
“No, she wouldn’t give me thechance.”
“She didn’t want you to know because she doesn't want people to treat her differently. Besides her parents and me, no one elseknows.”
“I don’t get it. Why would she not want anyone else to know?” I ask, frustrated with how girl’s mindswork.
“For this exact reason!” Tracy yells into the phone. “You freaked out. Now she’ll never know if you’re being genuine or just acting that way because you feel sorry forher.”
“Then why did you tell me?” Igrowl.
“Because you’re my brother and I don’t want to see you gethurt.”
