I turn to stop him there. “I know.”
Watery eyes look into mine, “You what?”
“Alex, I know about your brother. I know he was killed in Iraq. I know you joined the military in his memory.”
“And you’ve never said anything?”
“No. Remember? No truths, no personal information. I was playing byyourrules.”
He looks down, taking a deep breath.
“So, is that what the tattoo signifies? Your brother?”
“Yes. He was always the good kid, straight A’s all throughout high school. He played sports and even got a football scholarship but turned it down because he felt it was his duty to join the military. Me, on the other hand, I was the complete fuck up; always causing trouble, barely graduated high school, landing myself in and out of jail for petty theft and minor drug offenses. There he was doing the honorable thing, fighting for his country while I was getting drunk and high every night with my wife.”
He runs his fingers down his face while shaking his head in disbelief. “Man, our relationship was toxic. We were nothing but bad for each other. Our lives were one big blur of parties and drugs and barely making it by. We fought like crazy and stole anything we could get our hands on to get our next fix.”
I put my hand over which is still holding on to my arm for support. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
His eyes are soaked with sadness as he looks away. “It should’ve been me. I’m the son that should be dead. Not him. My family wouldn’t have mourned me like they did him. They would’ve looked at it as a favor to them if I was the one killed.”
He walks to his bed, sitting down and placing his head in his hands shaking back and forth.
“The night I found out he died I was high as a kite. Melissa and I had just taken a hit when my phone rang. It took months to get the sound of my mother’s screams out of my head when she cried out that Ky was dead. I just remember looking over to Melissa as her eyes rolled back in her head and she fell back on the couch in delight. But it never hit me. Pure disgust did. Disgust for who I was. Disgust for the life I was leading. Disgust that I missed his going away party because I was too high to give a shit.”
“Alex—” I sit down next to him, leaning my head on to his shoulder “—I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head, sniffing loudly as he wipes tears that escaped from his eyes. “I quit that day. Never looked back. Tried to get Melissa to quit too, but she didn’t have the drive I did. And when I joined the military to finish the career Ky wanted, she left me—filed for divorce and moved out with a guy I thought was my best friend. Turns out she was just with me because I could score the best drugs and when I wouldn’t, she moved on to the next.”
“So tell me about the tattoo,” I ask, running my fingers up the back of his shirt where it’s etched in his skin.
“Ky tried once to help get me clean. He bought a ‘69 Chevelle and asked me to help him fix it up. We were almost finished when he was deployed. When he left, he asked me to complete it for him but I went back to my drug-filled days. It’s sitting in a garage at my parents’ house. I haven’t been able to even look at it since his death.”
I kiss the image of the car before asking, “And the lake?”
“When we were little boys, we loved going to Lake Michigan; there’s a small out cove where we hung a rope swing and used to jump off it over and over again.” He takes a deep, shaky breath in. “I guess these are my two favorite memories of him.”
I don’t say anything about the other tattoos, knowing I don’t want to push him too much. Instead, I reach up, pulling his lips to mine, and for the first time, we don’t just fuck. We hold each other, slowly feeling the emotions of the tattoo and the life he’s led bleeding out with me being his calming force leading the way.
7
Alex finally talkedme into going to another rave, and I’d be lying if I said deep down I wasn’t at least a little excited. When we pull up, it’s at a different location than the first one and I’m surprised by the people standing out front. I thought it drew attention to the location but pushed the idea out of my head and made our way past everyone to get inside.
As we walk through the doors, the same feeling of euphoria fills my soul. The bass beat setting the tone of my own heartbeat, lifting me to a cloud of serene happiness.
Alex pulls me tightly against him, moving to the music and beginning my night of being anyone but the Officer I am.
Sweat drips down my face hours later, and Alex grabs me, pulling me through the crowd to a counter where he purchases water. Just as the bottle hits my lips, screams yell out when the front doors fly open and police storm the facility mere feet away from where we stand.
“Everyone freeze!” the police shout out in unison.
Alex turns to me screaming, “Run!” while pushing me away from the scene.
An officer grabs my arm before I can get away and Alex rushes to break me free, screaming, “Get out of here!” as two cops tackle him to the ground.
I pause when realization sinks in about what’s really going on. Alex lifts his head from the ground, yelling at me to run before the police push his head flat against the concert floor.
My heart beats fast as I turn to run away only to be caught in the arms of someone tall and strong. My head slams against his bulletproof vest as he holds me tightly, saying, “You aren’t going anywhere.”
