Her apology does feel nice, but I still have no idea what to say.
“Well,” she says, letting go of my hand. “I just wanted to tell you that. And I’m sorry about your parents. I know it’s been a while, but I still think of them every time I drive past your old house.”
Words finally escape my lips. “Thank you, Judy. I really appreciate your apology. It was a long time ago.” I try to blow it off.
“Well, I’m glad to hear you’re doing so well, and I hope you keep in touch with Carter. I know he’d really like that. Enjoy your visit while you’re here.”
“Thank you. It was good to see you.”
“You too, hon.”
She smiles at Kaitlyn and turns to leave us alone, my nerves and emotions a total wreck all over again.
* * *
I’ve been back homefor a few days, enjoying the overload of memories I’ve had running into old friends and hanging out at the lake, enjoying the sun. But I leave tomorrow, and there’s one place I have to visit before I go home.
Kaitlyn said she’d come with me, but this is something I have to do on my own. I’ve only seen pictures of my parents’ gravestone and seeing it in real life makes me feel like for the first time I have some kind of closure.
Memories of how many nights I’ve begged for one more day with them and now that I’m standing here, a sense of peace overwhelms me. I’ve felt their presence the entire time I’ve been back, and now that I’m at their grave, I feel them even more. It’s a feeling I’ve felt for many years yet I’ve never understood until now.
The feeling that I’m not alone is something I can never describe. All these years I’ve felt I had no one yet it was me who made it that way. I’ve reconnected with all my friends, their parents, and even new people. Every person treated me like no time has passed, and I’m still the same person I was.
And for the first time I feel like Evangeline again.
I turn to walk back to my car but am stopped in my tracks when I see a man sitting with his back to me on a bench. The sun has started to go down, so his sunglasses are sitting backward on his head, cuffed around his ears and balancing on his neck, something only one person I know ever did.
Carter.
I always teased him for wearing them that way, and I see that some things haven’t changed. I should be freaking out, I should be nervous to talk to him, but the calmness I’ve just felt tells me it’s time. It’s time to face my past and to finally face him.
Slowly, I walk up and sit next to him. Both of us look straight out on the makeshift pond they created at the cemetery, not saying a word.
I feel his hand move, and when I look down, I see that he’s holding it open, offering for me to take it in mine, and I accept. Wrapping my hand in his, we share this quiet moment that should have happened ten years ago.
A tear slips out of my eye as I whisper, “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head but still doesn’t look at me. “Don’t be. I’m the one who should be sorry.” His head tilts down to his chest, and he grips my hand tighter. “I should have been there for you.”
“But I’m the one who ran. Not you.”
“Doesn’t matter. I put you in that situation, and I’ve had to live with that for this past decade. If I hadn’t left. If I had been more careful. If I hadn’t gotten you pregnant, you wouldn’t have run. You wouldn’t have been alone.”
“No, Carter. Those were all my decisions.”
He turns to me, and his eyes are red with tears he’s fighting back. “But I would have been there for you. We could have gone through it together.”
“I know you would have. There was never a doubt in my mind that you would have come back. That’s why I left. I didn’t want you to give up what you worked so hard for.”
“We could have figured something out. I don’t know, I could have gotten some kind of off-campus housing. There were these—”
I stop him. There’s no reason to dwell on what we could have done. “We had a boy.”
He takes a sharp inhale in. I lift my other hand that’s not wrapped in his to wipe my tears. “He was eight pounds, two ounces. I researched and met with multiple families to choose him the best one I could.”
His head falls down again as his shoulders tremble.
“I get letters from them often, but I’ve never opened one. It didn’t feel right without you by my side. I think I’m ready, though. To open them.”
The most caring eyes I’ve ever seen meet mine with shock and excitement shining through. His arm reaches out to pull me in close to him. “I’d love to read them,” he whispers, kissing my forehead.
With my head on his shoulder, we both sat in silence, staring out at the water, holding each other till the moonlight was all we saw.
