“Cole…it’s just…I mean…I don’t know.”
“It’s him isn’t it?”
“What? Who? Secret?”
“Fuck. Stop this Secret shit. It’s him then. You like him yet you don’t even know him. I watched the way you kissed him. But it’s not him, it’s the idea of him. What, are you too afraid of actual reality and would rather live behind the mask?”
“Get out,” I demand.
“I will, but I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know what your hang-ups are, but I want to be with you, and I can tell you like me too. Whatever issues you need to work through, fine. All I’m asking is that you work through them with me. Stop hiding and start living.”
He walks out, slamming my door behind him, leaving me speechless.
* * *
Ididn’t goto class last night, but I couldn’t help the unease in my stomach when I saw an email from Cole this morning. Clicking on it, I see that he only sent the notes I missed from class and nothing else. Never mentioning our conversation or anything about us. His email was strictly professor/student mode, and the idea ticked me off. We’re so much more than that.
He’s giving me space, but now that I have it, I’m even more confused on whether I even want it. He’s right. About everything.
I do like him. I’ve enjoyed our time together more than I have with anyone in a long time. What he’s asking isn’t out of line, but I’m not ready to give up the club. I’ve only just begun, and I need to think some more before jumping into a relationship with the first person I meet there.
My cell rings, and I see Kamii’s pretty face flash across the screen. “Hey, girl,” I say into the phone.
“So, you want to tell me why I just got an email to the club saying that Cole is turning in his membership?”
“Did he really?”
“What’s going on?”
“He asked me not to go anymore. He wants to date and see where we could go.”
“And what did you say?”
I sigh. “We got in a fight, and he said I needed to stop hiding.”
“Well, what do you think?”
I pause. Having to admit this out loud is harder than I thought. “He’s right.” I sit back in my seat, feeling defeated yet somewhat freed for admitting it. “He thinks I have feelings for this other guy but more just feelings for the unknown factor of him.”
“Do you?”
“I don’t even know the guy. I mean”—I bite my inner lip thinking back to that kiss—“I love the whole secret side of him. I’m not going to lie, it turns me on like no other not knowing anything about him. But then he kissed me...”
After a long pause, Kamii pipes in, “And…”
“There was just something different about his kiss. Cole said he noticed it too and got pissed when he saw me kissing him at the club.”
“Angie, I don’t want you staying in the club just for us. If you don’t want to go anymore then that’s totally fine.”
Now I really feel bad. Through all my jumbled thoughts, I never once thought about the fact of why I was really there. For Kamii and Preston. To help them with the club, being the one person on the inside making sure things are running smoothly. How could I forget that fact? I can’t leave.
“It’s okay. I wouldn’t leave anyway. I’m shocked he’d turn in his resignation so early. We just had that conversation yesterday. Maybe this is his way of telling me he’s serious.”
“But, Angie, he doesn’t know who owns the club. He has no clue you’d find out this information. If he says he likes you and wants to try at a relationship, then he’s telling the truth. Now you just need to decide what you want.”
* * *
“Welcome back,” I hear Cole say as I walk into the classroom.
