Chapter Thirteen
Carter
My mind is a wreck, and my heart is a mess.
How can watching who I thought was the love of my life getting fucked by my best friend turn me on more than anything I’ve ever encountered? I should hate her. I should hate him. But every time I envision last night, my cock twitches to life, begging to be touched.
I’ve dreamed of what I would say to her, what I’d do if, or when, I ever found her. Yet there she was, right in front of me, and all I could do was walk away. Mainly because all I wanted to do was be with her again. Hold her, run my fingers over her body as I ran kisses down her neck.
I’ve always enjoyed watching women get off while Cole fucked them, but seeing her brought everything to a whole new level. Something I’ve never experienced before, but what the fuck? Normal guys don’t get off on this shit. I should want her all to myself.
The turmoil I was feeling last night was too much. I moved to her, thinking if I just touched her something would tell me what I should do. But it didn’t. The feelings got stronger, more intense. I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to show her what Cole and I could do to her.
But I couldn’t. Not now. Her not knowing who I am tore at me, clenching my chest and making my stomach turn until I was forced to walk away from them.
I saw her reach back for me, wanting me to join in, but I was already gone.
Knowing she wanted me there pulled on me even more. To her, though, I’m not me. I’m this big secret, and this is all just a game.
A game I know I’m going to lose.
It’s my day off, but I need to clear my mind, so I head over to the hospital. There’s something about being there that brings me to my happy place. No matter how shitty I feel about the cards I was dealt, seeing what families and kids are dealing with helps put things in perspective, and by the end of the day, I’m kicking my own ass for any issues I thought I was having.
Since I’m not actually working, I get to hang out with the kids more today. Kyle has been here the longest, and our leaderboard is getting a little lopsided. It’s time for me to show him who’s really the boss and bring him to the next level.
When I walk in, he’s not in the playroom, so I head to his room, where I find him lying in bed. His head is looking out the window, and he turns to me, pain written all over his face.
“What’s up, bud?” I say, walking to him and softly rubbing his shoulder.
“Just another day.” He tries to smile out.
“You not feeling so good today?” He doesn’t respond, rather shakes his head before looking back at the window. “Want me to leave you alone so you can get some rest?”
“Nah, grab a chair. I can’t sleep anyway.”
I do, pulling up next to him and leaning back. I put my feet on the edge of his bed and fold my arms behind my head.
“Make yourself at home, why don’t you,” he teases.
“Hey, it’s my day off. I’m not going to sit all stiff in this uncomfortable chair while you lie in that cozy bed,” I tease, putting my feet down. I lean forward. “So, tell me something, little man.”
“I’m not so little, you know,” he boasts.
This is what we do. He tries to act much older while I try to make him remember, and more importantly tell him, to enjoy being a kid for as long as he can. Growing up only brings on more responsibilities and heartache.
“Oh really, you a man now?”
“Well, no. But I have a girlfriend.” The way his voice lifts when he says girlfriend makes me chuckle.
“Shut up. No, you don’t,” I badger him, trying to get a rise out.
He sits up slightly. “I do. It’s Sophia.”
I tilt my head to the side, raising my eyebrows in mock surprise. “Really? Over in room thirty-six? Sure she’s not too good for you?”
Even though he’s sick, I still mess with him and treat him like other boys would treat him. Getting shit from your friends is part of growing up, and it breaks my heart that Kyle won’t ever have that.
“Shut up,” he throws back. “I’m doing better than you are. You don’t even have a girlfriend.”
