“Cute little guy,” Hayes admits in his rough voice, big bad guy trying to play it cool.
“He’s the best. But he’s really sick right now.”
“Aww, shit, man. I’m sorry. He gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, he’s tough. Born a month early, his mama nearly . . . well, I don’t like to talk about that.” Especially since this diagnosis may mean we’ll have to revisit that. “But it’s sickle cell. Ran in both our families, odds were against us, we just didn’t know. And it might not be a big deal. Depending on how things go, it might just be something that we can manage. But it might also be . . .”
“Bad?”
I nod.
Hayes exhales as he leans back in his seat, letting his neck conform to the headrest so he’s looking vaguely at the ceiling. He looks like if he just closes his eyes, he could sleep.
I haven’t slept.
I try the pose for myself. It’s comfortable. I’ve never noticed there’s climate control stuff over the seats, like on an airplane. We’re usually not on buses very long, and I’m not one to just relax on the seat.
I reach up and push a button, get a bright light right in the eye. I try another, and it blasts frigid air at Hayes. He slaps my hand away and shuts the vent off.
“Kids are tough,” he says after a couple seconds, just as the bus jolts and surges forward through the parking lot. “My girl’s four. She has cerebral palsy.”
I grimace, but his eyes are closed, so he doesn’t take offense. They’re all bad, all these conditions that affect little kids. It doesn’t seem right. But I don’t know if sickle cell compares to cerebral palsy. What I know of it, I’m suddenly feeling a pinch of relief — and a pinch of guilt. I shouldn’t have ambushed Hayes like that.
I don’t know the right thing to say, or at least the right way of saying it. I stare up at that blinding light and tell myself to be thankful, even if the solutions are going to be a problem.
“Her mom, Rory? I grew up with her. Was tight with her family. Never thought I’d see her again. And then one day, there she was again. And she was, man, you’ve seen her. Fucking knockout.”
I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup, but I’m not telling him that, either.
“I knew she was single, but she rejected me. I pushed. Probably more than I should have, but I justknew, you know?”
That I know.
“So I dropped in on her parents. Told myself it was a long overdue visit with a family who really did me a solid when I was growing up, but I just needed some reason why Rory blew me off. They invited me in, and mind you, I didn’t even know Rory had a kid, but there were all the toys and everything, I figured okay, she’s actually got a man and a kid, it makes sense. But then I hear all this smashing around, and Shayla — that’s our daughter — comes zooming in like a bat outta hell, and the smashing sound is from this great big rig she’s got. It’s all done up for a little one, bright paint and stickers everywhere and toys and this little basket she’s got a bag of Goldfish in, but it’s a walker. It’s a walker for a toddler.”
The air rushes from my lungs like a sucker punch.
Bennett nods. “Yeah, exactly. She was cute and had those goofy toddler glasses. This great big smile, and her grandma was calling her a little hellion and shooing her off and reminding her she was supposed to be putting away her crayons, just normal stuff, like this was your typical day, nothing strange here, and itbrokeme. Kid was three years old in a walker? What the fuck is that? How does that make sense?
“It was Rory who set me to rights. And I thank her every single day because she and Shayla are my whole world. I can’t imagine life without them. And yeah, Shayla’s life is different from the other kids. We have to do things a lot different with her, and the way Rory has to advocate just to make sure Shayla has the same chances all the other kids have is a full-time job, but I swear Shayla is going to conquer the world someday. She is stronger than I’ll ever be.”
I roll my head on the rest to look at Hayes. His eyes are closed, his legs stretched with his feet crossed under the seat in front of him, his hands in his lap, and he’s smiling.
I close my eyes and stretch my legs. “I missed you, you know. But I’m glad you moved on for good reasons.”
“You should come over sometime. Meet Rory and Shayla properly. Bring your family.”
That sounds good.
Especially the way he saidyour family.
Ihave a family.
Chapter 24
Tilly
My mother abandoned my family when I was a teenager. Blaise was abandoned by his parents before he got to kindergarten. But I know he’d never do that to Donovan.
