“You can do it, Jonah.” Eliot attempted a reassuring smile, but his nervousness showed.
Did he think that by regaining my freedom, his sin would be forgiven?
With the gun heavy in my hand, I walked to face Nathan, aware of the stillness in the air and the tightness in my lungs.
With both his eyes bruised and almost shut, Nathan said, “You should’ve let me kill him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter now. I’d have done the same in your place. Fuck, I really thought I could wear them down.” He lowered his eyes to the gun in my hand, his Adam’s apple moving. “Aim for the head, okay? Make it nice and quick.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, my words hollow and my tears unworthy. My heart beat so fast it felt like it might burst.
“I’m sorry too.” He wet his lips. “If I could be as soulless as you, I would’ve been the one standing in your place. Go on. Stop wasting my—”
I blew his head off.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
2006
Hours had turned into endless days. They kept me locked in the same room, making me worry I’d lose my mind. I slowly walked from wall to wall, forcing my healing leg to soldier through the pain. Whenever Samuel came to check on me, I pretended I couldn’t walk, making him carry me to use the toilet and to take a shower. He wasn’t cruel or violent, but he refused to answer any of my questions.
It drove me crazy being so close to Hayden without seeing him. Dark thoughts began to blossom in my restless brain, and with nothing to do but wait, my fears morphed into panic attacks, and there were no needles to help.
On what felt like the fifth day, Samuel arrived with a wheelchair. “Bo’s waiting for you.”
Meeting him meant that things were finally moving, yet it remained to be seen toward what outcome. I’d been waiting for days for this moment, and now I wished I’d done more to prepare, but who was I kidding? Even after all these years, nothing could prepare me for Bo.
I leaned against Samuel as he helped me into the wheelchair. “When can I see Hayden?”
“Fuck, you’re annoying. Ask Bo that. I don’t call the shots.”
For the first time, I saw a different part of the estate. My mouth opened in surprise when Samuel wheeled me through a hallway with windows.
“Wait. Can I look outside?”
He sighed and wheeled me closer to a window, then helped me up so I could see. Everywhere I looked, I saw sand. Dunes and dunes. I squinted at what seemed to be the faraway skyline of Las Vegas. It must have been a few hours’ drive from here. When I pressed my face to the window, I could see more of the estate, which was shaped like a U. It didn’t seem nearly as large as I’d expected, and only had a single floor.
“They didn’t used to have windows,” I said, almost to myself. I had gone through months without seeing the sun. Even Mr. White’s rare invites were during nighttime.
“That’s a bummer. Sit your ass down.”
I did, and Samuel wheeled me farther into the heart of the estate.
“How many people do you keep captive?” I asked, not expecting an answer but feeling too nervous to keep quiet.
“Four.”
“Four? Does that include Hayden and Nick?”
“Yes.”
So few?
“Here we are.” Samuel stopped in front of a wooden door and opened it without knocking. The office was wide and cozy, reminding me of the office I’d spent countless hours in with The Director, but this one didn’t have a fireplace or anything resembling art. At least it had a window, letting in sunlight.
“Where is he?” I asked as Samuel wheeled me in.
