Jo grimaced faintly. “I did. We don’t keep secrets from one another. I had to tell him. It affects you, and you’re our family.”
“I’m not angry,” Ellis assured her. “I would expect you to share it with him. You’re married, and you shouldn’t have secrets. Secrets are what brought us here.”
“So true,” Sheff agreed. “I confess I don’t know that I can be civil to Harker next time I see him.”
Jo scowled. “I’m even angrier now than I was when you told us last night. Which is silly because I’ve known he had affairs with married people. I’m embarrassed to say his behavior didn’t trouble me as much as it does now, because I didn’t have a personal relationship with anyone who was affected. I thought I could express my distaste for his activities and still maintain a relationship with him, but I can no longer do that. He needs to stop philandering, or I will not associate with him.”
Ellis squeezed her hand before letting her go. “I never meant to cause heartache for you or to divide you and your father.”
“You did nothing,” Jo said quickly. “It’s his fault. How did Roman take the news?”
“Quite poorly.” Ellis wasn’t going to detail just how poorly nor would she share the particulars of Clarissa’s death. She wasn’t keeping secrets; she was preserving a poor woman’s dignity, she hoped. “He has long been angry with whoever it was that seduced his wife, and I think he was resigned to never knowing the man’s identity. Now that he does, I worry he’ll demand satisfaction.”
“He’s not going to call Harker out, is he?” Sheff asked sharply.
Ellis tried not to reveal the depth of her agitation. “He might. I asked him not to, but I don’t think I persuaded him. I should have told him that it would be more damaging to him than to Rowland.”
Sheff’s features had darkened. “I’ll speak to him.”
“I don’t know if you should,” Ellis warned, thinking of how furious Roman had been. “But I won’t tell you what to do.”
“I’ve known Keele a long time,” Sheff said. “I’ll dispatch a note asking him to meet later.” He nodded at them both before quickly departing.
Jo sent a hopeful look toward Ellis. “Did you tell Roman how you felt?”
“No.” Ellis tipped her head down briefly. “I wanted to, but I just…didn’t. He was angry about Rowland, and rightfully so. Furthermore, he didn’t argue with me about what he needs, which is an heiress.” She returned her gaze to Jo. “Please don’t suggest the dowry options again. Even if I were an heiress, it wouldn’t work. How can he marry the illegitimate daughter of a man he despises? And what if he does call Rowland out? I have to imagine he’d wound him, if not kill him. While I don’t particularly hold our father with affection, I certainly don’t want him to die. I don’t think I could be with Roman if he dueled with him.”
Jo’s face was creased with concern. “Perhaps Keele just needs time to let his anger cool. What did he say when you left?”
“I don’t know,” Ellis replied. “I left a note this morning. I didn’t tell him where I went, and I asked him not to try to reach me.”
Jo scooted forward, which took slightly more effort than normal. “Ellis, why do you keep doing this? You cut yourself off from the people who care about you. Do you think that you deserve to be unhappy? You don’t,” she said forcefully. “Nothing that has happened is your fault, regardless of what the duchess might have told you.”
Did Ellis believe that she didn’t deserve happiness? She didn’t think so, but after years and years of hearing how unworthy she was and how she was lucky to be a companion in their household, she truly didn’t think she deserved more.
Ellis stared but saw nothing as her thoughts tumbled over themselves.
“You may be right,” she said softly. “Will you excuse me? I think I need to be alone for a little while.”
“Certainly,” Jo said, “but I’m here for you as your friend and your sister. I love you.”
This time, the emotion welling within Ellis reached her eyes, and she feared she would cry. She didn’t want to do that in front of Jo. “Thank you,” she croaked before she turned and fled.
Chapter 18
Ellis’s note to Roman had been devastatingly short and flat.
Dear Roman,
I am grateful for the opportunity to be your secretary. It has been an invaluable experience. I deeply appreciate your keeping my secrets and hiding me. Now it’s time for me to face things and decide my future.
I think it’s best if you don’t know where I’ve gone, and I would ask that you not try to find me. We both know that we must travel separate paths.
Fondly,
Ellis.
Fondly? There had been no mention of their affair, nor of the wondrous joy they’d shared. And not a word about love.
