“We’ll have to come up with a way to help you,” Min said with a firm nod. “That is what friends do.”
“I keep telling her that Kat did quite well without being on the Marriage Mart.” Iona referred to her older sister, Kathleen, who had married Lord Lucien, second son of the Duke of Evesham, and the owner of the Phoenix Club. They had not courted in a typical way at all. But then, perusing the room, only Jo had engaged in a true courtship, and it had been fake.
Iona sent a smile toward Ellis. “And it sounds as though Ellis might be on her way. Perhaps her affair with Keele will turn into something more permanent.”
“It won’t,” Ellis said. “I truly don’t wish to marry. Furthermore, Roman was married before. He chose an heiress because of the state of his family’s finances. He needs another heiress to continue shoring up the coffers.”
Min exhaled. “If you wanted to wed, my father would give you a dowry—I’m sure of it.”
Ellis didn’t know what to think about that. She wouldn’t have wanted that before, for the same reason she hadn’t accepted his help when she’d left his household. She didn’t want his money, which she acknowledged was rather irrational when she was very soon to be without employment.
A tiny voice in the back of her mind pestered her. What if she could have Roman forever? The answer didn’t matter because Roman couldn’t marry her. Even if she had a dowry, she’d wonder if he was choosing her for that or because he wanted her.
She was also the daughter of the man who’d cuckolded him.
“There is another rather awful reason Roman wouldn’t want to marry me.” Ellis met Jo’s gaze and grimaced. “I didn’t tell you about this the other day because I was too upset.”
“Tell me about what?” Jo asked, her brow creasing.
Ellis focused on the others as she explained the first part. “When I met Rowland the other day, he showed me his collection of portraits that he’d painted of all his mistresses.” Then she returned her attention to Jo. “What I didn’t tell you is that I recognized one of the women. She was Roman’s wife.”
“No.” Jo paled. She reached out and clasped Ellis’s forearm. “He didn’t.”
Ellis nodded. “Yes. Our father was Roman’s wife’s lover. How could Roman ever want a future with me if he knew that? And I wouldn’t be able to keep it from him.”
“Oh, dear. This is terrible.” Min took Ellis’s other hand.
Jo’s eyes sparked with anger. “I don’t think I’ll be able to suffer my father’s presence for some time. It was one thing for me to accept what he’d done with Sheff’s mother. Your mother,” she said to Min and Ellis. “But this is just more wood on the fire, and it was already a bloody conflagration.” She crossed her arms over her belly and scowled.
“Are you going to tell Keele?” Pandora asked Ellis.
“I don’t know.” Ellis was incredibly conflicted. “I don’t know if he was aware of his wife’s infidelity—he’s never told me about it.” Because they’d both kept secrets. “Part of me thinks it’s easier to just leave his employ sooner than I’d planned and not tell him. If he didn’t know, I’m not sure there’s a point in revealing it now.”
“What if you do have a chance for a future with Keele?” Min’s expression brightened with hope. Ellis could see that Min hoped her affair with Roman would turn into something more.
“I think Ellis should tell Keele that she loves him,” Iona said matter-of-factly.
Ellis snapped her gaze to the youngest member of their group. “I never said I loved him.”
Iona shrugged. “It seems clear to me. But my mother says I can be too romantic, and she’s probably right.”
“I see it too,” Min said. “I noticed something was different about you the moment you walked in. There’s a glow about you, but also a weight that you’re carrying. Are we wrong? Do you not love Keele?”
Dozens of memories flashed in Ellis’s mind. Roman discovering she was a woman and keeping her on. Roman allowing her to keep secrets despite his own frustration that came entirely from a place of wanting to help and protect her. Roman valuing her work and giving her the opportunity to feel successful and capable. He encouraged and supported her to be the woman she wanted to be. Then, when he’d discovered her true identity, his first words had been to say that he would keep her safe. He’d asked her to trust him, and she did. Completely. With every part of her being, especially her heart.
“I do love him,” she whispered. “But I can’t tell him that. He needs to marry a well-regarded heiress, not a former companion who just happens to be illegitimate.”
Min’s gray eyes filled with compassion. “What if he loves you too?”
And what if he didn’t? Ellis was afraid to find out.
“You won’t know unless you tell him,” Jo said. “I speak from experience when I say that sometimes you should take the chance and say something. I wish I’d done so much sooner with Sheff, and he wishes he’d done it with me.”
“Do you really think he’d care about your parentage?” Min asked.
“I don’t know,” Ellis replied quietly, her jaw clenching. She didn’t want to think about any of this. It was why she’d ignored the fact that she’d been falling in love with Roman practically since she’d started working for him. Acknowledging that out loud just now made her feel incredibly vulnerable, and she was tired of that. She wanted to feel strong and independent, which was bloody hard when the truth of Ellis’s background could thoroughly ruin her. If anyone learned she was a bastard, there would be no hope of a librarian position or any other role in polite society. She may very well have to consider becoming a hermit, as she and Roman had once discussed.
And never mind the awful truth of Rowland Harker having an affair with Roman’s wife. How could Ellis continue with Roman knowing what she knew and keeping it from him?
