“No,” Ellis replied without hesitation. “My feelings are…complicated. I’ve been at everyone’s mercy for so long, and I’m not who I thought I was. I’m not even legitimate.” She tried to keep the bitterness from her voice and failed. “Working for Keele and becoming independent is helping me to move forward, to determine my own fate instead of having it decided by others.”
“I think I understand,” Pandora said gently. “What about meeting your father? Jo is hoping to introduce you. As father and daughter, that is. She said you met him at her and Sheff’s engagement ball.”
That was true, though Ellis remembered little about him. He had blond hair like hers and was incredibly gregarious. She recalled him laughing and smiling, and he seemed to know everyone. “Does he know about me?”
“I don’t believe so. Would you consider speaking to Jo?”
“I would like to meet my father.” Ellis couldn’t resist the potential of having one parent who might care for her. “Perhaps it would be best if Jo coordinated that.”
“I know she would love to arrange that meeting and go with you.” Pandora smiled encouragingly. “Can I arrange for you to speak with her?”
“Yes, but not at Henlow House. I would certainly be recognized.” The more people who knew of her disguise and whom she worked for, the higher the risk she would be discovered. She just wasn’t ready to face Min or Sheff—and definitely not their mother. “I also can’t meet with Jo as a woman because I don’t have my clothing. It’s at the boarding house where I was living before.”
“I could fetch it for you,” Pandora offered.
“I would have to leave Keele’s house as a man, change my clothes, meet with Jo, then change back into my secretary clothing to return to Keele’s house.” She blew out a breath in frustration. “That sounds far too difficult.”
“What if you met Jo at the Siren’s Call? You already look as if you might be going there later,” Pandora added with a chuckle.
The Siren’s Call was a gentlemen’s gaming club owned by Jo’s mother, Jewel Harker, and where Jo had worked before she’d married Sheff. All the employees were women, which appealed to the almost exclusively male clientele. It was perfect—Ellis could arrive as a man, meet with Jo, and leave as a man.
“All right.” Ellis turned back to face Pandora. She was both excited to see Jo and worried she’d been selfish in avoiding them.
Pandora grinned. “Excellent. Do you mind if I tell Min this is happening? She just wants you to be happy, and if that means not seeing her for a while, she’ll accept that.”
That tore at Ellis’s heart. “I would rather wait. I want to see Min too, but perhaps after I meet my father.”
Pandora nodded.
“In the meantime, I expect you won’t reveal to anyone that I’m working for Keele. I need that to continue to be our secret.” She gave Pandora a wry look. “I don’t want anyone else sending me messages at his house.”
“Apologies,” Pandora said softly. “Come, I’ll walk you downstairs.”
“Thank you.” Ellis stood.
Pandora rose and linked arms with her as they walked to the door, then reluctantly let her go. “I’ll be much happier when you’re fully Ellis again.”
“I will too.” Except Ellis wasn’t sure who that was.
She thought about what Pandora had said, that Ellis’s current situation wasn’t permanent. Ellis knew that, of course, but she hadn’t really thought too much about what she would do after she saved the money she needed to live independently somewhere in a sleepy village. Perhaps she could be a librarian for a new Lacey and Company branch.
But that was in the distant future. For now, she would continue in her disguise and hope no one else discovered she was a woman. And she would see Jo and meet her father. The idea of having a living parent who might actually care for her was wonderful. It was silly, but Ellis had just felt so alone after learning the truth about her parentage. She’d felt as if she didn’t belong anywhere.
Strangely, she’d found a place in Keele’s household. She felt both useful and valued. And wanted, even if it was in a purely physical manner.
As Ellis said good night to Pandora and walked to Keele’s coach, she decided that being wanted in any fashion was intoxicating. She feared in that moment she would cling to that feeling with everything she had, regardless of the consequences.
“How was your visit?” Roman asked as Ellis situated herself on the seat opposite him in the coach.
“Why did you move to the rear-facing seat?” she asked.
Instead of answering her question, Roman shrugged. “I wanted to let you ride facing forward.”
“That’s kind of you,” she said, sounding wary. “But I don’t mind which way I face.”
He cocked his head. “Do you typically ride on this seat?” He moved his hand over the cushion and realized the action could be interpreted as an invitation. If she had taken it that way, he would not have minded.
“Occasionally.”
