Chapter 1
October 1816, London
* * *
“You look like a man to me!”
Ellis Dangerfield raised a brow at her giggling landlady, who’d helped assemble and don Ellis’s disguise as a young man. Pivoting, Ellis regarded herself in the cracked glass that hung in her room. She could not see her entire body in the small oval, but viewing her face was enough. A dark brown beard and mustache masked her feminine features, particularly her mouth, and her blonde curls were tucked beneath a thick—and rather hot—wig of the same color.
“I don’t know.” Ellis chewed the inside of her lip as she faced Mrs. Palmer once more. “Perhaps this is too risky.”
Mrs. Palmer cocked her head as she swept Ellis with her warm blue gaze. “Probably, but don’t you have to try?”
Ellis was quickly losing her courage. Whilst she desperately needed employment, she ought to try for something suitable for a woman. Secretary to a marquess was not that. However, secretary to a marquess would pay far better than anything she would find as a woman. “Perhaps I should gain some sense and seek a more appropriate position.”
Eyes narrowed, Mrs. Palmer tucked a wayward light brown lock into the cap she wore over her hair. “You’ve told me several times that you’re capable of every single task a secretary to a marquess would need to complete. I don’t even understand everything you said.”
Ellis smiled at Mrs. Palmer, who was very smart. She just hadn’t been offered the same level of education as Ellis, who, since the age of nine had lived in the household of the Duke of Henlow as companion to his daughter. She’d learned alongside Lady Minerva and had taken full advantage—with her own initiative—of His Grace’s libraries, which he maintained at all his properties.
The duke had opened his home to Ellis after the death of her parents, who’d been friends of his. Indeed, her father’s parents and the duke’s parents had been dear friends. The family connection was strong, and he’d felt a responsibility to care for Ellis. He’d also had an affinity for her, which some had interpreted to mean that he was actually her real father—because Ellis had been adopted by the Dangerfields and then taken in by the duke after their deaths.
But the duke was not her father. She’d always known that because he’d told her so, and she believed him. He also didn’t love Ellis the way her parents had done. Even after all this time, the thought of her mother and father and the end of the life she’d enjoyed as a cherished daughter cut sharp and deep. Especially now that she knew the truth of her parentage.
Learning that she was, in fact, illegitimate—though not because of the duke—had completely turned Ellis’s life upside down. She now understood why the duchess had worked so hard to make her feel unworthy. Because she was. In the eyes of Society, Ellis would always be wanting due to the circumstances of her birth. If the truth were to become known.
But it didn’t matter to Ellis. She knew—and knowing meant that everything she’d thought to be true was a lie.
She’d done the only thing that had made sense to her: she’d run from the truth and from the pain of the past seventeen years. Deciding that only she could choose her own path forward, she’d decided to seek independence. Why wait for the worst to happen when she could forge a new life? It was time for her to choose instead of having her story written by those around her who saw her as nothing more than a game piece to move about a board.
She needed this job as secretary to the marquess. And she was going to obtain it. Focusing on the coming interview, she regarded Mrs. Palmer, who was a dozen years older than Ellis’s twenty-six years and an actual widow, unlike Ellis, who was merely pretending to be one. “What if the marquess immediately recognizes I’m a woman?”
“You beg his pardon and leave.” Mrs. Palmer exhaled. “It’s not as if he’ll have you arrested for posing as a man in order to obtain employment at which you would excel and that would pay you enough money to live the life you want.” Her eyes gleamed with determination, as if she were the one embarking on a plan to secure her own future. “The life you deserve.”
“That is kind of you to say.” Ellis was glad for the woman’s support, which buoyed her intent.
She’d come to stay at Mrs. Palmer’s boarding house nearly a fortnight earlier when she’d quit the duke’s household after learning of her illegitimacy. The duke had offered her money, but she’d only taken what she needed to travel to London from Bath, where she’d been staying with Min and the duchess—she and the duke did not care to reside together when they were not in London—and settle herself with lodgings. Ellis had refused an ongoing allowance. She didn’t want any ties to the duke or his family, and she certainly didn’t want to feel beholden.
The only problem was his daughter. Min was her dearest friend, and Ellis had left without speaking to her. Ellis wasn’t ready to see her and didn’t know when she would be. That was because Min was the reason Ellis had learned the truth.
Thinking of it now caused a tremor in Ellis’s chest. She’d overheard Min fighting with her mother, the duchess. That hadn’t been out of the ordinary as they often clashed, but this argument had been different. They’d been discussing Ellis, who was, shockingly, also the duchess’s daughter.
To discover the horrid woman who’d treated Ellis like an ungrateful, unwanted servant of the lowest class—no, lower than that—was the woman who’d given her life had been devastating. The duchess loathed Ellis and had gone to great lengths to ensure Ellis had none of the luxuries of her other children, not that material items meant anything to Ellis. She’d only wanted the most precious thing of all—love. Or at least a sense of belonging. How could a woman treat her own flesh and blood so cruelly?
“Stop thinking about your past,” Mrs. Palmer said sternly. Ellis had told her she was hiding from her deceased husband’s terrible family. “You must put that behind you and move forward.”
Ellis smiled. “You sound like me.” Because she’d repeated those words a hundred times or more: leave the past behind and move forward.
“It is good advice after all you’ve been through.”
“Thank you.” Ellis had considered telling Mrs. Palmer the truth, for the desire to have a confidante was great. She was used to having Min by her side. Ellis could have her there again—she need only tell her.
But Ellis couldn’t do that. Not yet. She understood that Min hadn’t been part of the lifelong deception, that she had also been kept from knowing the truth. However, Min’s life, her very identity, hadn’t changed whilst Ellis’s had. She would seek Min out once she was on the path that she’d chosen for herself.
Mrs. Palmer grabbed the hat and gloves from the table by the window and handed them to Ellis. “You should be on your way before you’re late.”
Ellis turned back to the glass and set the hat on her wig, then drew on the gloves.
“Don’t you dare think you won’t be hired,” Mrs. Palmer warned. “I’ve spent far too much time putting together a wardrobe for you from my brothers’ old things.” She had two older brothers and had harvested their old clothing from crates in the attic. What she hadn’t been able to find, she’d somehow acquired in other ways. “I’m still not finished, though I’m close to having a complete set of evening attire, should you need it.”
