A rock sank in my chest. I looked away before he saw the rejection on my face. He said he couldn’t get me out of his head, and yet he kept his distance when he finally had me back.
He thought I was breakable. Damaged. And he was right.
“Do you know whatIdid these last ten days?” I whispered, gingerly touching the bandage at my neck so I didn’t have to look at him. “I—I thought aboutyou. I thought about the Order and what this all means to me. I thought about getting through this mission so I could come home. Every time I was scared, I remembered the other people he’d hurt. Every time he touched me, I—I wished—” My heart beat in my ears as the feel of Scarven’s body on top of mine came back to the forefront. Pressure built in the backs of my eyes.
“But now I just want it all to go away. I want someone to take it away.”
I turned my neck so my hair covered part of my face, shielding me from him. I wasn’t used to this—to having someone watch when I fell apart. Unexpected emotion clogged my throat as a single tear trailed down my cheek.
“Devora,” Nox whispered slowly. Before I knew what was happening, the bed dipped. His large body settled in next to me, and he carefully laid my head on his chest. I flinched for a split second before realizing where I was, and then wrapped my arms around his midsection.
“Is this alright?” He hesitated with his hand across my lower back.
I nodded and buried my head in his chest. When he pressed his lips to the top of my head, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I let them flow out of me, all my fear, my helplessness, my distress. My anger and determination. My pain and silence.
He held me through it all, pulling me even further into his arms like he wanted to mold my body to his. “I’m so sorry, my darling,” he kept murmuring, brushing soft kisses along my temple. “I’m so sorry.”
Only when my head pounded and my eyes swelled did the tears subside, leaving me with shaky breaths as I clung to him. My muscles relaxed, releasing tension for the first time in weeks. The safety and warmth of being tucked into his side made the darkness weighing on my mind a little lighter, and as his fingers ran down the length of my spine, I closed my eyes and fell asleep again.
50
Nox
Faint voices from outside my door roused me from sleep.
“Is hestillsleeping?” Kieran whispered.
“Hush, they both need it,” Tessa shot back.
“Well, he won’t be too pleased if he misses the empress’s wedding. They need to leave in the morning.”
Arowyn’s muffled voice cut in. “Feel free to poke the sleeping dragon, Kieran. But I like my eyebrows the way they are.”
Something warm stirred at my chest. Devora’s body pressed against mine, her hair strewn across my arm. When she stretched, my other arm fell to her hip. Her soft curves melted into my grip. Her eyes were closed, still partially asleep, but her breath hitched slightly at the end of a sigh, and the sound made heat pool down my spine.
My fingers slid up her side and hit the rough edge of a bandage, and everything slammed back into me.
I recoiled, remembering how she’d gotten these wounds.Whohad given them to her. And how that same man was the last one to force himself into her bed, to touch her so callously. How could I be so careless whenIwas the reason she’d been hurt in the first place?
My feelings for her were no longer something I could deny. I had wanted her from the moment I saw her, despite telling myselfI should have nothing to do with her. Icravedher. In a way that had already been proven would ruin us both.
She was never my enemy. She was mydownfall.
But I wouldn’t let myself become hers.
Scarven took everything from me simply because I treasured it, and he knew how much she meant to me. Any second I spent falling for her, any proof I gave him that she was my weakness would only hurt her more.
I refused to be the reason she shed any more blood, even if it felt like tearing out my own heart.
I extricated my arm from beneath her and felt her stir.
“Nox?” Devora whispered, voice groggy as she turned and pried her eyes open. “What time is it?”
“We slept all night and morning. I just heard Kieran whispering about us needing to leave for the wedding soon.” I tried to keep my voice level as I quickly left her side. I hadn’t slept this much in…Fates, I didn’t even know how long.
Devora went quiet, and I glanced back to see her watching me, a hint of sadness in her eyes. She schooled her features and asked, “What wedding?”
“Clarissa and Thorne’s. It’s in three days, on the winter solstice.”
