I was so tired.
The kind of tired that sleep couldn’t fix. Which didn’t matter, considering the pain from the burns on my ankles and calves kept me from sleeping, anyway. I wasn’t even going to bother with them that first night after it happened, but when Devora saw the burns, she was so distraught that I let her apply a topical ointment and bandage the worst of them just to calm her down. She was there every morning and night, cleaning the wounds, adding more ointment, and replacing the bandages.
Every time she touched them, it made me think of the fire.
It made me remember the spear shoved through the fox’s limp body.
It made me remember the flames running along its fluffy white tail until it consumed it whole.
The pain wasn’t only in my legs. It tore through my chest like a jagged knife, leaving behind an infection that oozed a dark sludge of rejection and betrayal.
I tried to block it out. I tried to cover it with bandages the way Devora covered my burns. But I’d never been good at suppressing such strong emotions—just hiding them. While inside I was thick, viscous darkness, on the outside…I was cold and detached.
Perhaps that was the kind of queen and empress they wanted. Perhaps that was who I needed to become to avoid growing these attachments that ended up as ash in the wind.
I had always put others first.Always. Their interests, their feelings, their voices, their safety. And it still wasn’t enough. Not for people who were so burdened by fear and grudges. Not for peopleso blinded by their own misconceptions of me and where I came from.
I knew only a few were behind the crime, and it was wrong of me to blame them all. But it didn’t matter. The damage was done, and I’d learned my lesson.
Good intentions couldn’t undo a history of hatred. A few days of charm, smiles, and pleasantries couldn’t outweigh centuries of suspicion. I’d been a fool for thinking I could wipe the slate clean.
“We should be there soon,” my mother said after almost two full days of traveling. I nodded absentmindedly, running my fingers through Mia’s soft fur as she stood and circled my lap to find a better position. I’d been silent nearly the entire journey, too lost in my own thoughts and trying to mentally prepare myself for the second leg of the tour.
I dreaded meeting the Penworth regent family. They were the other ones Galen’s council said were opposed to my arrival, and I didn’t have the energy to put on the face of Empress Clarissa Aris. The idea of having to impress these people after two days of being crammed in a carriage, stewing in my own anger and pain, made me want to launch myself out this small window.
The sun began to set behind the mountains, and even I had to admit how beautiful the scene was. Deep red, gold, and subtle hints of blue painted the sky. The mountain peaks shone above the darkening horizon, and when the carriage slowed to a stop and the door opened, a refreshing breeze brushed my skin.
I closed my eyes and breathed it in, thankful to have left behind the humid heat. Katrine took Mia’s leash as she and Devora climbed out of the carriage to get our bags. Mother paused, shut the door behind them, and sat back on the bench with a sigh.
“I hate this,” she said softly, gazing out the window at the enormous estate to our right. “I hate watching you go through this and not being able to do anything about it.”
“It’s not your job, Mother,” I said, my voice dull andtired. “I’ll be fine.”
“We did our best to shelter you from the worst of it, you know,” she said. “You and Leo both.” I furrowed my brow, and she continued, “Back in the early days of the sleeping curse, when people first began to believe it was your father’s fault, we knew we had to protect the two of you from it all. I know you and Leo both faced hardships, but we tried…we tried to keep the worst of it from you. To give you asnormalof a childhood as we could, all things considered. I never wanted you to see this sort of hatred.”
“Has something like this happened before?” I asked.
She nodded. “People did…horriblethings in the beginning. Born out of fear and the need to blamesomeonefor their loved ones being taken from them in the curse. They knew my Shifter form, and the skin of a wolf was once nailed to our cottage door, along with various pieces of the animal being left on our doorstep over time. Countless death threats toward your father were tied to bricks and thrown through the windows. The first time it happened, glass shattered all around you and your brother, and Leo cut his foot. That was why we never let the two of you play by the fireplace when you were toddlers.”
My lips parted on an exhale. “Mother, I—I’m so sorry. I never knew.”
She smiled grimly. “That was the point, sweet girl. We didn’t want you to. And I wish I could keep you from this, too. I wish I could take the brunt of it as your father and I did back then. You’re so strong, my Clarissa, but a mother never stops wanting to protect her children.”
You’re so strong. People kept saying that. First Thorne, now her. I just wished I could believe it myself sometimes.
Knuckles rapped on the carriage, and Mother reached across to pat my cheek. “I may not be able to carry this burden for you, but I will always stand by you.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, kissing her palm and taking a deep breath.
The carriage door opened. Hiding a wince from the swelling inmy leg, I descended the short steps and landed on a paved walkway leading to a miniature palace, with high wrought-iron gates between two imposing stone walls. Galen stood by my side, and together, we silently walked along the path, through the gates, and to the entrance.
The instant I caught a glimpse of Lord and Lady Penworth, I knew I was in for a long few days.
The looks on their faces could have cut glass. Sharp and pointed, his green stare and her dark gray one followed me as we met them at the top of the steps to the grand entrance. They were both a little older than my mother, somewhere in their late sixties or early seventies. He had a full head of bright gray hair that looked so slicked back, it was stiff. He glared down at me over his hooked nose, not so much as inclining his head when we approached.
Lady Penworth was no better. Her silver hair was pulled into a tight bun at the top of her head, her piercing gray eyes even larger behind thin spectacles. She raised an eyebrow when I smiled politely, her frail shoulders moving up and down with a sigh.
“I’m surprised you two bothered to come at all, if the rumors from the Mid Territory are true,” was Lord Penworth’s way of greeting Galen and me.
