And Iwasrelieved. But that didn’t explain the heavy weight that sank in my stomach as I watched her walk away from me and toward her future with the king.
22
Clarissa
Morning hit me like a tree branch to the snout. I didn’t even know what time I made it to the suite last night. Past two in the morning, at least.
We faced another day of exploring the farms of the Mid Territory. Galen had left a note sayingonce again, he was going to be absent. I could sense a pattern in his habit of hiding from difficult things.
I was still reeling from the night before. Still angry with his decision to keep such important details from me. If I was being honest, I didn’t want to see him. He hadn’t done much to prove to me that I could trust him. Even his best friend was reluctant to put too much confidence in him.
My thoughts lingered on Thorne as I changed into the loose cotton dress Katrine had laid out for me. I had no idea he had a daughter. I vaguely remembered seeing a young girl step out of the carriage with Azura Reaux when we arrived in the territory, but the fact that she washisdaughter hadn’t even crossed my mind.
I wondered what happened to her mother. Thorne might try and hide behind his flirtations, but I saw the pain when he spoke of her last night. It was one of the more genuine moments he had. Maybe I’d judged him too quickly. We all had darkness stainingour lives—shadows and pockets of grief we wanted to tuck away. How we chose to mask them was up to us.
It was always difficult for me to sleep after I had one of my panic attacks, when the sound of snapping bones and the feel of tearing skin lingered fresh in my mind. But last night was different. That memory was clouded by another one, one of a warm thumb brushing against my pulse.
Goosebumps trailed up my arm as I stared in the mirror of the vanity, trying to put away the ghost of his skin on mine. I couldn’t believe he’d seen me like that. I hadn’t let anyone besides my mother, brother, and occasionally Lark witness those episodes. And yet I wasn’t able to hide it from a man I’d barely spoken to, who’d spent most of the time we’d known each other keeping things from me.
I didn’t want him or others to think any less of me. To think I was weak, the way my mind convinced me in those moments that I was.
The plan today was to head farther west to a fishing village along the coast. Like yesterday, Vespera was in charge of showing Mother and me around, while Thorne was our ever-faithful watchdog in Galen’s place.
He was more animated today. More involved in the conversation, instead of lounging in silence. It was different, seeing him like this. The same way he was last night after my panic attack. A…gooddifferent.
He and Vespera talked about their territories, the stubborn citizens they had to deal with, and the most far-fetched requests they’d heard. Like someone in the North Territory submitting a marriage license to marry a ghost, or the time Vespera was asked to formally knight a cat because the owner said it saved their life.
Eventually, the two of them and my mother began swapping stories about their children. I promptly removed myself from the conversation the moment Mother mentioned me running naked through the forest outside our cottage.
I stared out the window of the carriage as we drove over thehills. The occasional farm would pass by, with livestock grazing in fields and wagons traveling on roads in the distance. I was about to knock on the console separating us and the driver to ask how much farther, when something strange on an upcoming hill caught my attention.
I leaned forward, putting my nose as close to the window as I could.
It was something…dark. Blackened. Like rot.
“Thorne.” I put a hand on his knee across from me. He went rigid beneath my touch, and I quickly pulled away. “Look.”
He glanced out the window and paled. “That’s…a lot,” he breathed.
It was. It looked as if it had spread out across the entire side of the hill, overtaking everything that had once been lush and green. But as we stared at it, my hands went cold.
“Is itmoving?”
It was hard to tell with the speed of the carriage, but I could have sworn the death curse was inching farther and farther down the hill, toward the little village waiting below.
“It’s never done that before,” he whispered.
Our quiet voices had caught Vespera and Mother’s attention. “What’s going on over there?” my mother asked.
Vespera peered around our shoulders and let out a gasp. “We have to turn around. We have to go tell Dion and His Majesty.”
“What are they going to do? We’re already three hours out. We should go help the village,” I countered.
“Clarissa’s right,” Thorne said. “Evadine, Vespera, we can have the two of you dropped off somewhere safe nearby, but?—”
“These are my people, Reaux. If they’re in trouble, I want to help,” Vespera said, her dark eyes determined.
Mother nodded firmly. “Let’s go. Don’t look at me like that—I’ll be alright, Clarissa.”
