She swatted me on the back. “This isn’t funny, Clarissa.”
“Well, if I don’t find some sort of morbid humor in the situation, it’s going to make me stick my head in the fireplace.”
Mothertsked and pulled away. “I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with so much, sweet girl. But you’re handling it beautifully. Your father would be so proud.”
I quickly swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. “A woman died tonight. She was hit by an arrow meant for me. I…I couldn’t do anything to help her.”
“Oh, Clarissa,” she said softly. Her lips curved downward, and a crease appeared at her brow. Taking my hand, she led me to the cushioned bench at the foot of my bed.
“You’re not going to be able to help everyone. You don’t have the power to stop all bad things from happening, as much as you wish you could. Branock was the same. His heart was so big, his desire to do right by his people so great, that he was often too hard on himself when things didn’t go how he wanted. There will be bad days, bad weeks, badyears. But it’s not your fault. That poor woman’s death wasnotyour fault.”
I stared straight ahead into the fire, its embers beginning to fade. “She would still be alive if I hadn’t been in that tavern tonight. The assassin was targetingme. I guess we were lucky there was only one casualty. That entire bar was full of innocent people, and I put them all at risk.”
With a groan, I leaned forward and held my head in my hands. “Lark’s going to be up to her ears in damage control. People were in such a panic, and it’s only going to get worse once stories spread.The assassin even left me a note. It said, ‘You can’t run.’ How can I leave in the morning when this is such a mess?” I asked, glancing over at Mother.
“Maybe it’s for the best that you’re going,” she said. “It could be a good thing. You could make a statement first thing in the morning about the attack to show how this hasn’t shaken you. That the empire stands firm. Taking some time away from the situation might be good for you too. And it will allow your opposition to calm down and see things more rationally.”
I scoffed. “It’s Scarven, Mother. I don’t think those Drakorum bastards know the meaning of the word ‘rational.’”
“He simply wants to get under your skin. He obviously heard you’re planning to secure ties with Mysthelm and is trying to prevent that from happening. You know how elitist they get about anything outside of Veridia.” She shook her head. “No, I think scaring you into canceling your trip isexactlywhat he wants. It would show he has power over you. His note says as much—he’s trying to scare you.”
My jaw clenched. “Wouldn’t he love that.”
“Thenshow him. You’re not afraid of his savagery. Go strengthen this alliance and show the empire you’re bringing us into a new age, one where we won’t be beaten down by threats.”
I hadn’t thought about it that way. Perhaps she was right. As much as I hated the idea of leaving my people after tonight, I trusted Lark and my council—for the most part—to contain the hysteria. I trusted my guards to keep those I cared about safe. I just had to trust myself.
“Will you come with me?” I asked without thinking, taking her hand in mine. “I know we hadn’t planned on it, and I know it’s short notice, but…”Sometimes a girl needs her mother.“I could really use your help over there.”
She smiled at me, eyes twinkling in the firelight. “Of course, Clarissa. I already have my bags packed.”
I laughed. “That was presumptuous of you.”
“Missing my daughter’s engagement? I was ready to throwmyself onto that boat if you didn’t ask me. Who else is going to put the fear of the Fates into that king?”
With a chuckle, I leaned over and rested my head against her shoulder. Her arm came behind my back and stroked my hair. Closing my eyes, I let my muscles relax. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I allowed myself to breathe. To take just one moment of peace with?—
A log shifted in the fireplace, breaking in half with a resoundingsnap.
My chest tightened as I jolted, every nerve ending in my body going into high alert.
Panic gripped me. The phantom memory of bones crunching and poking through my skin made bile crawl up my throat. I turned away from my mother to hide my sudden shortness of breath, squeezing my eyes shut while I tried to calm my Shifter half.
A steady hand rubbed my back as her other hand held my upper arm. “Is it still happening?” she whispered.
I swallowed hard. My muscles shook from how tightly I’d clenched them. “Sometimes,” I said on an exhale. “It’s the sound. It—” I cut myself off, the words catching in my throat.
She moved her hand in circles across my back. “It’s alright, sweet girl. You’re safe. You have nothing to fear.” Smoothing hair away from the nape of my neck, she gently coaxed me to face her again.
My mother knew about that night. She’d witnessed a couple of my panic attacks at the beginning and had always done her best to listen or give me space.
Eight months ago, the former emperor Theodore Gayl tried to kill me.
He knew I was his predecessor’s daughter and the rightful heir to the throne. He knew I’d been working foryearsto bring him down. And he’d wanted to teach us a lesson.
It felt like a veil had been thrown over my mind every time I thought back to that night in those darkened chambers. How myfriends Horace and Lark had tried to fight him after finding out he was the one to cast the sleeping curse that ravaged our empire. How he’d been siphoning magic fromthousandsof Veridians who had fallen into the frozen sleep, using their power to bolster his own.
We’d attacked him in a moment of distraction.
