Nox took her by the shoulder, and they made their way to the palace, followed by Rose and Evadine, with Leo supported between the two of them. Thorne, Isabella, and the head of the King’s Guard began discussing logistics and damage control, how they needed to get the regent families to the palace as quickly as possible to figure out a plan of action.
It all made my head spin.
The reality of the last twenty-four hours settled into me, and it was like that noose was back around my neck. Pulling, straining, tightening.
“Excuse me, I—I have to go,” I said as their puzzled expressions shifted to me.
I pivoted on my heels and ran.
66
Clarissa
“Isee you’ve found my favorite hiding spot,” Thorne said from behind me.
I craned my neck to watch him climb through the trap door of the secluded rooftop, a little sanctuary tucked away between two of the taller towers on the west side of the palace.
“Katrine told me about it.” I turned my attention back to the view in front of me. “I think she knew I needed to get away.”
When I’d found her in the servants’ wing and told her the news about Devora, she’d broken down crying. I knew they were like sisters, after having worked at Reaux Mansion and then the palace together. I wasn’t the only one who’d been affected by her betrayal. And now Devora was being carted off to a different land, with no telling if she’d ever set foot on Mysthelm soil again.
We faced the sunset, its orange and pink glow casting the palm trees and winding, sandy roads of the North Territory in a golden hue. A light breeze rifled through my hair and the plain tunic I’d changed into as soon as I could get out of that wedding dress. I sat with my knees tucked into my chest, my arms wrapped tight around them, breathing in the evening air.
“I used to hide here all the time when Galen and I played hide-and-seek,” Thorne admitted. “Found it by accident when Itripped and ripped the tapestry covering the stairs to get up here.” His voice softened. “Galen never found it. I won every time.”
Guilt needled beneath my ribs.His best friend was dead. And while I’d argued for my innocence, part of me couldn’t help but wonder…hadI killed him? Something in the curse broke and consumed him when I’d kissed him. When the marriage was sealed. If I hadn’t gone through with it, he’d still be alive.
Did Thorne blame me? I was the reason his best friend was gone, the reason his mother was behind bars, and everything he’d known had been torn from him. Dread and fear trickled down my chest and into my stomach like hot wax.
I pulled my knees in further. “Thorne, I—I’m so sorry.” My words came out a whisper. “I don’t know what to say. This is all my fault. He’s dead because of me, and I?—”
“No, no—Clarissa, this isnotyour fault.” He strode to my side and fell to his knees before me, cupping my face in his hands. His body blocked the sunset. His shadow consumed me, blanketing me in his steady presence, a cool reprieve from the anxiety curdling in my gut.
He gently stroked away a tear I didn’t even know had fallen. “You went into that wedding wanting to break his curse. To save him and our entire kingdom, no matter what the cost. This was all some twisted game of the Fates. There was nothing you could have done.”
I swallowed and nodded, sniffing back more tears. His gaze fell to my neck and the faint red scratches that hadn’t yet healed from the rope rubbing against it. Slowly, he moved his thumb to graze along the raised skin, and I closed my eyes.
“I’m sorry too,” he said. “For what my mother put you through. When I saw you up there, when I thought—” He cut himself off, his voice low and raspy. Pressure built in my chest, my lungs, my throat. “I thought you were gone. I thought I’d lost you. I would have done anything to take your place, Clarissa.” He dropped his forehead to mine, and I let my knees fall so he could lean in closer. “I would rather die a thousand deaths than watch a single moment of your suffering.”
I sucked in a shaky breath as another tear fell, landing on the space of roof between us. A rush of humid wind blew across the side of the palace. Our long hair twisted and twined around us, blonde against dark brown.
“So, I guess you sort of love me,” I whispered.
He kissed my forehead, and his small smile pressed into my skin. “Ah, you heard that part, did you?”
“It must have slipped out.”
I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you tried to kill the woman I love.
Time had frozen in that moment. Just for a second. Amidst the chaos and outrage and secrets, my heart soared.
He pulled away and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “Before I met you, I thought I was happy. As happy as this life could make me, at least. Marigold was my sun. She was all I ever needed in a world full of gray. I smiled when I was supposed to smile, went where I was supposed to go, checked my duties off an ever-growing list. I didn’twantanything more for myself. I’d wanted enough in my past life, and I hadn’t been able to hold on to what it had given me.”
He gave a subtle shake of his head, his brow pinching as if thinking through his words. “And here you come, beauty and grace and strength all bottled into this fiery, stubborn woman, and Iwanted. I wanted your resolve and conviction. I wanted your heart of gold, your ability to give such light and magic to the world. I wantedyou.”
His blue eyes searched mine with an intensity that made my breath catch in my throat. “From the moment I saw you, I knew I couldn’t have you. But I wanted you anyway. I wanted to be a better man because of you. For my daughter, for my kingdom, and formyself.”
His hand shifted to the back of my neck. “You bring life to everything you touch, Clarissa. Not just with your magic. Withyourcompassion. With your selflessness. How could I not love you?” He brought his other hand up to graze my jaw, my lips, my cheek. “All that you are is all I have never let myself want before. And I am desperately, deeply, maddeningly in love with you.”
