My features screwed in confusion. “Wait, how long has this been going on?”
“Several months. But he’s certainly made himself difficult to find.”
“He could be dead, for all we know,” I muttered, combing my fingers through my hair as I tried to take in this revelation.
“Yes, well, based on what little I’ve discovered so far, that’s very possible.”
“What have you found out?” I was irritated with myself for how much I cared. I thought I’d put that man behind me. I thought webothhad.
She let out a sigh. “Your father had a gambling problem. It was always one of his vices, but even I didn’t know the extent of it until I found some of the people he owed money to. It was worse than I thought. They threatened him, and when it hit the breaking point, he drained our funds to pay some of it off and?—”
“And left us with next to nothing.” I had no idea he was a gambler. My father was always so disciplined—to a fault. Everything had to be precisely how he liked it. His food, his clothes, his son. If anything was out of line, there were punishments. If his breakfast was overcooked, if the tablecloth had a stain, if there was a single coin missing from the North Territory treasury.
“Why do you even want to find him? He’s not worth any more of your time, Mother.”
She ran her tongue along her teeth. “Call it curiosity. Or retribution. After the way he treated both of us, I just—” Her shoulders fell as she paused.
“I simply want to know, Thorne. There’s nothing I can do about it, but perhaps it would give me peace of mind.” She moved closer, the hard lines on her face softening slightly as she held out a hand to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to bring you back into this.”
I hadn’t realized this was on her mind at all, but it shouldn’t have surprised me. Both my father and Iris had entered my thoughts more often than usual in the last couple of weeks. Maybe she was feeling the effects too. We’d been traveling among all the other regent families that she’d once spent so much time with at my father’s side, and now she had to watch me carry on that role.
A sliver of guilt crept in as I let her take my hand. I’d been so quick to assume the worst in her. No wonder she didn’t want to admit the truth.
“I understand,” I said. “And I’m sorry for accusing you ofanything else. I had a hard day too, and I guess I was also taking it out on you.” Before I could talk myself out of it, I added, “Will you let me know if there are any updates?”
She squeezed my fingers. “Of course, dear. Now, let’s get ready for the ball.”
41
Clarissa
Tonight was my first ball.
It felt strange to say, considering I was technically the heir to the Veridian Empire. In another life, I would’ve grown up attending balls, galas, and fancy dinners with silverware more expensive than a small house. But up until eight and a half months ago, I was more used to dirty leggings and daggers than gowns and slippers.
I savored any reason to get dressed up, and tonight felt like the first time in a while that it was okay to be excited. Giddy, even. Getting to laugh with Rose as Katrine and Devora helped us with our hair in my large suite, picking out beautiful dresses and putting on far too much makeup while we sipped sparkling wine and watched Mother try to teach Leo how to dance properly. Rose kept tickling the underside of his tail to distract him, and he’d step on his own feet or crash into the couch. Eventually, he whipped away from Mother, grabbed Rose and hauled her over his shoulder, then threw her onto my bed before going back to his lesson. Katrine nearly had a fit over Rose’s messed-up curls, but the rest of us were laughing too hard to care.
Things felt right.Normal.
And I welcomed the distraction from the ache in my chest thathadn’t disappeared since this afternoon. I knew going to the cliffs with Thorne was a bad idea, but I wasn’t prepared for how much having everything I could ever want in that little alcove would crush me.
I slipped into my gown behind the partition in the bathing chamber, and my shoulders sagged when I shifted the fabric on my hips. I remembered the way his hands felt there. I bit down on my bottom lip and could still feel his teeth dragging against them, the memory both heating my skin and causing my heart to constrict.
“Do you need help tying up the back, Your Majesty?” Devora asked as she walked around the partition.
I cleared my throat and nodded. Her steady hands made their way up the intricate laces of the back. It was a beautiful sleeveless gown the color of dark rubies at the bust, then fading into an ivory at the bottom. Red gems and pearls dotted the full tulle skirt, while the top half was made of a soft satin that clung to my chest. While Devora worked, I pulled on a pair of matching red gloves that came up to my elbow.
I took one look at them in the mirror and instantly tugged them off.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No, I just…I’m not a fan of gloves,” I said. She averted her gaze from mine when I tried to smile at her, then tapped my shoulder to indicate she was done.
“You look beautiful,” she said softly, taking in the dress and my hair that she’d pulled into an elegant knot at the back of my head. Several curls hung loose to frame my face.
I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Are you alright? You’ve been quiet lately.” I’d noticed she’d taken to hanging back while Katrine chatted away with us at all hours of the day, the mischievous girl from the beginning of the tour now hidden behind a cloud.
“I haven’t been feeling well.” She tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. “Don’t worry about me—you’re going to knock them dead tonight.” She finally gave me a grin, thenclamped her lips shut. “Poor choice of words. For the record, I’m pro-nobody being knocked dead.”
