I wasn’t fine. But I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with anyone.
The chamber was so silent for a few moments that I thought he’d actually left, but then the wooden chair by my bed creaked.He still waited.
I ignored him and the confusing emotions bubbling inside me, continuing to strip out of my clothes in the bathing chamber. I felt Gayl’s presence, myuncle’spresence, lingering like smoke over every inch of fabric. I wanted to be rid of it until I could figure out what the last couple of hours meant to me.
“You couldn’t bother to shut the door?” Leo asked, voice strained.
That made my lips twitch, momentarily knocking the meeting with Gayl aside. “Not exactly used to having guests,” I said, keeping my body out of his eyesight but making a show of tossing my worn clothes and undergarments onto the bed. I splashed cool water on my face and pulled on my robe, pinning my long hairback with a clip. When I entered the room again, I found him sitting in the chair, one leg propped atop the other knee, eyes trailing me.
“What do you want, Aris?” I asked, not unkindly.
He uncrossed his legs. “What do Iwant? You just had a private meeting withTheodore Gayl.”
I tightened my robe around me. “Official business, then.”
He paused. “And to make sure you’re alright.”
There it was again. That flicker of concern. “Thank you,” I said softly. “I’m safe, though. He didn’t touch me.”
Leo nodded, but his lips were twisted, as if he didn’t quite believe me. “What did he want to meet with you for?”
I busied myself with going through my pack of herbs, if only to give my hands something to do. What could I tell him? That Gayl was my uncle? Absolutely not. I wasn’t prepared totouchthat revelation yet. The idea of revealing that I was related to this man we were actively working against made me feel…shame, for some reason. As if there must be something wrong withme. I’d already had my entire province view me in a negative light, and I didn’t want to ruin what I’d potentially found with these strangers. I still wanted to work with them, and I needed time to sort through my feelings.
Could I tell him the real story of the night he and Rissa were born and how the Somnivae curse was cast? Could I fling those truths at him now? How Leo had to?—
No, I needed to sort throughthat, too. If Gayl had been lying, I didn’t want to send Leo hurtling toward some self-sacrificing suicide mission. Even though I hadn’t known the man before me for long, I knew that was something he’d do without a second thought.
But if Gaylwasn’tlying…if Leodidneed to die to end the curse…
I shut down that line of thinking. What was I going to do, stab him in my bedroom and see if thousands of people all over the empire woke up?
My fingers twitched, imagining for just amoment what might happen. Freezing him with a compulsion spell, watching those dark eyes widen in shock. Holding my dagger to his throat, so close my chest would brush against his, feeling the strength of his heart beating to mine. The tip of my blade scraping that rough stubble. His strong jaw flexing, hands fighting the magic, veins in his neck straining.
One second. That’s all I’d need to end this curse. A dagger across his throat, warm blood coating my fingers, rivers of red flowing and coalescing down my arm.
My father’s face appeared in my vision, causing the edges to go gray. I rubbed at my temple and took a deep breath. There had to be another way. A way thatdidn’tinvolve another innocent man dying.
I just neededtime.
Leo was still waiting for me to respond. I poked and prodded through Gayl’s tale to see what little information I could offer. Some shrapnel of the truth, if only to keep the Sentinels off my back while I figured things out.
“Gayl is originally from Feywood,” I said, picking nervously at a small burlap pouch. “Did you know that?”
“No, we didn’t.” He went silent, giving me space to continue.
“He grew up there. And he—he knew my father.” I swallowed hard, fighting to tell the entire story. “They were friends, I think. He said he recognized me when he saw me the day before the first trial, and he wanted to meet me. See if I was really who he thought I was.”
Leo’s eyes narrowed. “That’s all he wanted? To chat aboutold times?”
“He didn’t give me the secret password to his hidden lair of Grimoires, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“You’re deflecting again.”
I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t know what he wanted, alright? Maybe he missed an old friend. I don’t know what else to tell you, Aris.”
Perhaps I am not the monster you have been so eager to believe.
We both went quiet. Tension filled the air, but not the same kind I’d felt with him before, with a spark of warmth that pushed at my chest. This tension was cold and empty. A chasm widening between us, any hint of our growing rapport siphoned from the space.
