How many times would I let Theodore make excuses? How many times would I accept his words because they sounded pretty and magical and full of promise? It was like I’d created a separation in my mind. Theodore, my father’s brother, the brilliant, isolated man who’d taught me in meredayshow to accept my magic in its full glory and surrender to what it was meant to be. And Emperor Gayl, the quiet but lethal ruler pulling the strings of the empire, callously playing provinces like pieces on a chessboard and not caring who was hurt in the process. Two separate men, both powerful in their own right.
And both were dangerous. Both hiding their true motives and desires. Both capable of so much more than I knew.
If it weren’t for Theodore, I wouldn’t be keeping these secrets from Leo. I would still be living in ignorant bliss, set on spying and uncovering the truth behind the Somnivae curse, none the wiser to what truly happened twenty-seven years ago.
But…I also would’ve never known the freedom of my magic. The wild, restless part of me that beat vibrantly with every pound of my heart, every throb of my pulse.
For better or worse, this time with the emperor had changed me. Irrevocably. I didn’t think I could go back to the woman I used to be. I didn’twantto. How was I supposed to reconcile that with the man who not only welcomed ruthlessness and dissonance, but seemed to revel in it?
And how was I supposed to get Leo to understand any of this?To see how conflicted my thoughts had become, and how I desperately wanted to give himallof me.
But I was scared.
Fates, I was scared. Rissa had been right—I was letting fear of the unknown stand in my way. Fear of telling him the truth, fear ofnottelling him, fear of what would happen when this month was over, of whether or not I could find a way to stop the Somnivae curse, of the power I now held in my hands. Both literal and figurative. Because Theodore Gayl and I were the only two people who knew how to bring an end to this curse, and I didn’t know what I would do if I had to make that choice.
“Only you will decide who meets their doom.”
Rissa pulled on the reins, jolting me out of my thoughts as we approached the familiar wooden cottage in the forest. We all dismounted and shuffled in stilted silence to get our packs off the horses, exhaustion swirling around us. Rissa, Lark, Horace, and Chaz all made their way inside. Horace mumbled something about needing a stiff drink. I lingered by Rissa’s horse, gently running my hand along her mane and trying to quell my anxiety. I felt Leo’s presence hanging over me like a cloud, watching me from his own stallion.
The strip of cloth I’d wrapped around the cut on my hand was stained red. I picked at the fringes of it, the skin still tender and raw where I’d sliced it. The sound of crunching leaves met my ear and I turned to find Leo walking inside the cottage, leaving me in the soft moonlight of the clearing.
My heart sank. Of course he was angry with me. Of course he didn’t want to be alone with me. In one moment, I’d ruined everything between us, reminding him he couldn’t trust me and?—
The door creaked open again and Leo walked back out, a small glass vial and a roll of gauze in his hand.
“You never took care of that,” he said gruffly, looking at my haphazard attempt at bandaging.
I swallowed. “It will heal.”
“Always so stubborn.” His voice was tired, the usual crossbetween humor and exasperation now absent. “Come here,” he said as he turned over a bucket on the front porch and gestured for me to sit.
He knelt before me, placing the potion and gauze on the ground before taking my hand in his. His fingers were calloused but his touch was gentle as he unwound the cloth, careful not to let it brush against the open wound. When he unbottled the vial, the woody scent of cedarwood overwhelmed my senses. I flinched slightly at the sting as he poured it over my cut. He whispered a healing spell and rubbed the oil in soothing circles, his thumb dragging across my palm.
“Are you going to tell me what really happened today?” he finally asked, his tone quiet and even. No hint of malice or accusation. It sounded like he was resigned, which was worse than the anger I expected.
I bit the inside of my cheek. “I saved that boy’s life. Nobody had to die. Isn’t that what matters?”
“I suppose so.” He placed a pad of gauze on the cut and laid a fresh bandage on it, winding it inside my thumb and then back around the other side.
He made to stand from his crouch, but I held onto his hand. “Leo, please. Let me?—”
“Let you what, lie to me again?” The bitter edge was a welcome reprieve from the emotionless way he’d spoken before. A spark lit in his eyes as he met mine. “I’ve stood there and watched you keep things from me and lie to me as if it was your natural instinct. How can I believe anything you’ve said, Rose?”
I wanted to tell him that this was the first time, that it wouldn’t happen again, but the false words fell to ash on my tongue.
After these weeks of growing closer to him, of finally finding someone I wanted to let in, I had broken it in a single breath. We’d built something based on mutual respect and trust. We’d spent time learning how to take our walls down and not hide from each other. And I’d thrown that all away.
Had it even existed to begin with? Could a foundation made on omissions and lies ever hope to stand firm?
Fear gripped me when he stood, but this time, I knew exactly what I was afraid of—and it wasn’t the unknown. It wasn’t the future or the curse or the tournament.
It was him walking away.
“Blood magic,” I said steadily, keeping my eyes on him, letting him see I wasn’t hiding anymore. “There were no herbs, no new spells. I—I used blood magic to heal him.”
Leo clutched the glass vial in his hand, shaking his head in frustration as he looked away. “I didn’t want to believe it, Rose. How could you be soreckless? Don’t you know what blood magic does? The consequences it has?”
I rose to my feet, thankful to have an outlet for my anxiety. “You just don’t understand it. I didn’t, either. We’ve been taught our whole lives that it’s some terrible form of dark magic, but that’s because we’ve never taken the time tounderstandit. To learn how to control it. You saw what I did today, how it can?—”
