“And you’re searching for an explanation, for thetruth, in Gayl’s words?” Leo sat up straighter. “This is what he does. He’s a manipulator. You can’t believe anything he says,especiallyabout someone like my father, who he betrayed without a backward glance.”
I let out a groan and ran my fingers through my hair. “I know you’re right. But his words are all I have. That and my memories. I—I don’t know how to let this go.”
“If you can’t learn how to do that, then how is any of this supposed to work, Rose?”
The room grew cold and silent, something sour tarnishing our space of solace.
I was an idiot. Why did I do this to myself? Did I feel him sinking beneath my skin and get scared? I was so accustomed to people rejecting me that I’d begun to force them into it. It was like I subconsciously tested how far they were willing to go before I said something to push them back. To make them walk away.
I didn’t want to be the one to watch him walk away, though.
I untangled my legs from the sheets and threw them over the side of the bed, hunting around in the dark for my boots.
“Where are you going?”
Stumbling, I narrowly avoided banging my leg on his desk in the dark. “This was a mistake. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I—I’ll sleep on the couch until I can go back to the palace in the morning.”
He followed me out of bed, placing a hand on the door frame to block me from opening it. “I didn’t say I wanted you to leave, Rose.”
“But you’re angry,” I insisted.
He gave me an incredulous look. “YouassumeI’m angry. I just…I don’t know how to navigate this. I’m confused and tired, not angry. Even if I was, that doesn’t mean I want you to leave. Is that what people have done to you your whole life?” I glanced away, but he caressed my cheek, urging me to look up at him. “Made you think your only option was to retreat?”
“I—I don’t know,” I stammered. “I guess…it’s easier.” Swallowing, I toyed with the ends of my shirt. “Easier than facing their anger or judgment.”
His thumb brushed along my skin. “I’m not upset with you. I want to understand, like you. While I don’t believe my father was behind this, that doesn’t invalidate what you went through. It doesn’t make it any less hard. We can talk about this. We can help each other learn how to let go. You don’t have to leave, unless you want to.” He stepped closer. “ButIdon’t want you to.”
His words settled into me, and the compulsion I’d felt to run slowly dimmed. I was so used to avoiding conflict, so used toassumingpeople wanted nothing to do with me, that the idea of him trying to talk through things and come to an understandingtogether…
It was more intimate than any touch.
I didn’t have to run. I didn’t have to hide myself behind masks of indifference or sharp edges. I could befree.
And for the first time, I realized that’s all I’d wanted all along.
Something in my chest broke open. A tear tracked down my cheek, and Leo’s eyes widened in concern. “What’s wrong? Was it something I said?”
I shook my head and sniffed. “Nothing’s wrong.” I leaned forward and stood on my toes until my forehead met his. We stood there for a moment, our breaths mingling as my tears subsided. I knew our conversation about my father’s murder wasn’t over, but Ididn’t think I could take much more tonight. I was still reeling from my nightmare, still struggling to accept these new emotions toward Leo, still exhausted yet exhilarated all at once.
My heart pounded in my ears, a tingle spreading over me at our nearness. Without thinking, without knowing what I was doing, I lifted my face slightly so my nose brushed his. A test. A question.
But not a game. Not anymore.
His hand splayed on my lower back, drawing me in. He kissed the tear lingering on my cheek, then moved his lips down and along my jaw.
My breath caught. “What are we doing, Leo?” I repeated my earlier question, voice shaking.
This time, his response held no humor. “I don’t know.”
We stayed like that, his lips a whisper from mine, neither of us moving besides our chests rising and falling in time to heavy breaths.
“We should go back to bed,” he said softly, his lips skimming my jaw. “It’s been a long day.”
He was right. I was too emotional, too on edge, and I didn’t want this—him—to be a distraction. A decision made on a whim. No matter what doubts were creeping around my mind, I knew for certain I wouldn’t let Zareleon Aris be amistake.
I nodded slowly in agreement and licked my lips, the motion causing my tongue to graze against the side of his mouth. He let out a small groan, and I smiled.
“Back to sleep, monkey boy,” I said, breaking away. His smoldering glare made my stomach flip.
