Anger flared in me at this cursed trial and what it had done to make her ask such a question. To not be able to discern reality from the nightmares. But I shoved the rage aside and carefully grabbed one of her hands, placing it on my chest, above my racing heart. I took her other one and rested it atop her own.
“Close your eyes,” I said, and she obeyed. “Take a deep breath. Focus on what’s right in front of you. Can you feel this?”
My chest pounded against her palm, my pulse racing from a combination of her touch and my own worries. Slowly, her hand ceased its shivering as she took several deep, steadying breaths. Finally, she nodded.
“This is real, Rose.” I moved her hand from my chest to my cheek, twining her fingers between mine. “Whatever happened, whatever you saw, it’s gone. It’s over.”
She didn’t respond but kept her eyes closed, her thumb warily tracing a path across my cheek, then my jaw, then the bridge of my nose and down to my lips. My eyes fluttered shut, a chill sweeping over my shoulders while heat built low in my stomach as her fingers explored my skin. I stepped closer into her, and she openedher eyes. I could have fallen to my knees in relief at her clear gaze, dispelled of the terror that had taken her captive.
There she is.
Her fingers still skimmed my mouth, as if in a trance. My lips parted on an exhale and my tongue involuntarily flicked against the rough pad of her thumb. She sucked in an almost imperceptible breath and pressed harder into my bottom lip.
Rissa cleared her throat behind me. My control snapped back into place, and I closed my fingers around Rose’s wrist. Lowering her hand, I stepped away to give her space.
But it didn’t matter how much space I put between us.
The damage was done—I couldn’t get her out of my head, and I realized I no longer wanted to.
41
Rose
“When did you wake up?” Rissa asked, her eyes full of concern.
“Just a little while ago. I—I had to check on my family, to make sure—” I stammered over my words, unable to finish the sentence. Although there was more distance between us, Leo’s tail came out to skim against the back of my leg. His way of bringing comfort when I was on the verge of breaking again.
I swallowed. “My aunt said it’s been over two days. Is—is that true?” I directed the question to Leo, hoping I’d see reassurance in his eyes. Instead, I found grim resignation. He nodded. I gritted my teeth, pinching the bridge of my nose to hold back a fresh wave of distress. Ihatedthis panic and dread. This weakness.
“I’m sorry, Rose. We had no idea what was happening until Lark filled us in at the start of the trial.” Rissa moved toward me, holding out a hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, taking a step closer to Leo without meaning to. His tail flicked against my ankle, covered by the darkness of the night and thick underbrush at our feet. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate Rissa—I could tell how sincere she was, how worried they’d been for me. And the fact that they’d been here, waiting forme to wake up, pulled tight at the strings of my heart. I’d never had anyone besides my aunt, uncle, and Beau care enough.
But I was still far too on edge. Logically, I knew this was real and that the second trial was over. But logic and fear didn’t always agree. I was like a wounded animal, expecting a new threat around every corner, another trap about to snap me in its jaws.
For some reason, Leo made me feel safe. His intense, protective, surprisingly tender way of caring for those around him made me believe nothing could reach us.
“We need to let Lark know you’re awake,” he said gently. “The healers are supposed to examine each of you?—”
“I—I can’t go back there. Not right now,” I cut him off, blinking away the burning in my eyes. I was wholly aware that my brave veneer from the last week lay crumbled at my feet, but it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen that before. “Please, don’t make me go back.”
“Leo—” Rissa began, but Leo shot her a look. A silent conversation took place between the twins. I didn’t care what “protocol” was—Horace had seen me, he could tell Lark and the others I’d finished the trial. There was no way I was walking back into that palace until I’d had time to process everything.
“It’s alright, Rose, you don’t have to go back right now,” he finally said. “We’ll take you to our cottage. You’re safe,” he reminded me. His deep voice seemed to calm the feral, anxious beast in me.
The three of us traveled south along the treeline until we came to two horses tied to a tree. Rissa mounted hers, while Leo approached Nightshade and held his hand out to me. My heart picked up speed as I took it, and I forced away the memory of the dapple-gray horse I’d chased after the carriage on.
That wasn’t real.
Leo situated himself behind me, his arms coming around my waist to grip the reins and steer our horse to follow Rissa’s. This was different from last time, when I’d tried so hard to keep my body away from his, each of us clinging to that shared bitterness. I let my heartbeats fall into step with the rhythmic cadence ofNightshade’s trot, finding comfort instead of irritation in Leo’s corded arms resting on my hips as the movement pushed me deeper into the saddle.
I’d spent my entire life keeping people at arm’s length where it mattered, allowing them access to the most shallow parts of me but never the hidden well of doubts and insecurities. Never to the heart. Physical contact was either a nuisance or a tool—even with my own family, I only tolerated their hugs and signs of compassion because I knew it mattered more to them than it did me. I wielded beauty and charm like a weapon, giving subtle touches and soft whispers to those who craved it in order to get what I wanted. Which was usually an escape, or simply blessed silence.
But with Leo…it wasn’t the same. I found myself seeking what I once thought was juvenile—a warm embrace, soothing words, a graze of a finger against my anxious pulse. Even now, on the back of this horse, our bodies forced together in a way that would have once made discomfort blare through me…I felt calm. As calm as I could be, anyway.
When the horse jolted and his hand shifted to my thigh, that calmness morphed into something more.
I wondered if his Shifter half made him able to sense the change in my heartbeats, the way my breath caught and then quickened, the pulse now fluttering at my neck. If he could tell that my muscles were still stretched as taut as a bowstring from those moments in the forest, when the feel of his skin beneath my fingertips banished the darkness and lit something new.
