Now Kai smiled. She’d always had a weakness for things that sparkled.
“Those months of traveling were one of the few times we were ever truly at peace,” he continued. “All four of us, together and content. And it was when you and I finally stopped dancing around the subject and decided to just…be happy. Be together.” She peeked over and found him staring into the distance, no hint of emotion on his face.
“Karstos is a beautiful island, sure, but no more so than our Iona. There was nothing particularly special about it. But when we were on that journey, the River Isles is the spot where you first told me you loved me.”
Kai’s heart swelled as he turned to look at her. It was hard to read his face under the midnight sky, but she didn’t need to see it. She’d had every inch of him memorized for years, every plane of his body, every crease in his skin. “That’s why I chose to rest there. I needed to be somewhere I could feel you, feel us, even when I was no longer awake.”
She stayed where she was, shivering at the cold breeze flowing through her hair, watching frozen sections of river water break off with a crack and begin their descent downstream. This story was nothing new; she knew he loved her. Irrevocably. The way the tide loves the shore, the way fire craves the air.Lovehad never been their problem.
He spoke again, and she was surprised by the pain in his words. Aidan was not one to show weakness; he wore his fire and ferocity like armor. “I can’t look at myself right now for what I did to you, and I wasn’t even the one in control. You of all people know that.” He shook his head. “If his goal was to screw with our heads, he’s done a wonderful job.”
She nodded.That was an understatement. “Aidan, I’m not angry about tonight. I know it’s impossible to fight his control. But Ialsoknow he doesn’t create those urges from nothing.” She crept closer to him. “We both have so many secrets and emotions buried inside of us—I’m sure Rynn and Jade are the same way. But that’s how he’s getting to us. It’s how he’s going to tear us apart.”
She clenched her fingers and looked away. If she expected honesty from him, she was going to have to give some in return. Even if it meant he might never see her the same way again.
“You know how much I love the humans. This world they’ve created…it’s unbelievable.” Kai cradled her arms as she talked. “They’re full of such passion and hope and strength because they don’t know what tomorrow will bring—or if they’ll evenhavea tomorrow. I feel like we sometimes think their lives are inconsequential, that all they do is live a short while and then die. But that just makes them even more…alive.” She let out a soft breath. “They experience love, joy, heartbreak, grief, fulfillment,everythingon such a powerful level because they know, deep down, that any moment could be their last. That’s not something we understand.
“For thousands and thousands of years, I’ve watched them build kingdoms from the ground up. Watched them…start families,” her voice broke, “knowing that’s something I’ll never have.”
Aidan took a step toward her, and she turned her head from him. She’d never spoken these words to anyone, never given breath to this part of her. “It broke my heart. Every single day. And I couldn’t do it anymore. Jade blames Rynn for sparking the initial rebellion on Iona, and maybe that’s fair, maybe he did have a heavy hand in the war—but it wasn’t just him.”
The wind whistled through the nearby tree branches. “What are you talking about?” Aidan asked.
She bit her bottom lip, forcing herself to continue. “I’d heard…rumors. For centuries, there had been whisperings around the royal family, pieces of lore discovered in ancient texts, all alluding to some artifact that had the power to—to make humans immortal, and…to make immortals human.”
Aidan’s voice was soft. “I’ve never heard anything about this, Kai. What artifact?”
“I don’t know, I never found it—but I searched for decades, even for scraps of knowledge. Nobody could give me answers. It was like I’d made it up in my mind, just some twisted ghost of hope feeding me lies and letting me hear what I wanted to hear. I’d given up at the time of the rebellion, but then…King Medes summoned me. I don’t know how, but he knew what I had been looking for—perhaps he’d been watching me for years, as we’d been watching them.
“He told me it existed. This rumored power that could make humans rise and immortals fall. He said it had been hidden away by his bloodline, by the Vasileia, but he would grant it to me.” She turned to face Aidan. “If I helped them stop the rebellion.”
There it was. The spark of realization, the truth dawning on his face. His brow furrowed. “Couldn’t you have made him take you to it right then?” he asked.
Kai sighed. “I tried. Trust me, I tried. I thought he was lying at first, because whenever I’d try and get into his mind, it looked like there was nothing to…to change, no thread to pull on.” She waved her hand in the air in frustration. “But I couldfeelit. I could feel something there that I’d never felt before, something powerful but cloaked in his thoughts. I can’t explain it, but I couldn’t force its location out of him. Day after day, he would ask to meet with me, proposing a trade: my aid for this artifact. And day after day, he wore me down a little bit more.” Shame bubbled inside of her; she’d been so weak, so easily swayed.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to see Aidan’s reaction. “I gave in. I—I helped strengthen the loyalists and gave them what they needed to fight back. Weapons, money, everything he asked. Fed them secrets from what Rynn would tell us about his time with the rebels. Handed over traitors to the crown.” She opened her eyes to look at the water, her hands coming to cover her mouth as she spoke through the rush of tears threatening to spill over. “I never wanted it to turn into a war. You have to believe me, Aidan. I thought we could stop it before it got that far. I thought it would be over quickly, and I could get the artifact, and maybe we could be humans and have a normal life. Have children, grow old, die together.”
Aidan didn’t respond for several moments. “What happened then? With the artifact?”
She wanted to crumble at the way he spoke, with such hesitancy and hurt. Like her betrayal made him guarded against her.
“He wouldn’t give it to me, of course. And Istillcouldn’t pry it out of his mind. He said our deal was contingent on—on squashing the rebellion, not creating a civil war. And then, by the time it was coming to an end, it didn’t matter anymore. It was all over for the four of us.” She didn’t realize her head had started shaking. “I was so wrong, Aidan. So, so foolish. But I have never wanted anything that bad in my entire existence. It made me lose myself.”
They stood in silence, her confession and her sins a tangible veil, thickening and swaying in the space between them. And then, with words that tore a hole into the very fabric of her heart, Aidan said, “I wish I had known. I wish I could have been enough for you.”
She whirled to face him, a wave of sorrow rising inside of her. “No, no, Aidan, you—you’re the only reason I held on for as long as I did. Please don’t think that—you’re everything to me.” Tears tracked down her face, her hands trembling as they reached for him. “I love you more thananything. I could love you for an eternity and it still wouldn’t be enough. But that doesn’t replace the…this hole in my heart.” She searched for the words, for a way to make him understand. “I want a family. I want a life outside of this never-ending cycle of broken kingdoms and lost prophecies. I know what I want to live for, Aidan—that’s always been you. It’salwaysyou. But I want something todiefor.”
He briefly met her gaze, then watched a tear roll across her cheek before lifting his eyes back to hers. Kai held her breath, waiting for his indignation, his distrust.
None of those came. Instead, he took a step closer and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
“I don’t know what to say,” he breathed. “I would’ve never wanted you to bear this alone. I could have helped you find the artifact, or—or found another way, worked to stop the rebellion faster—”
She placed her hand around his to cut him off. “You had your own issues to deal with, Aidan. I didn’t want to burden you with mine.”
He leaned his head to the side slightly, staring at her with a look of tender disbelief. “Sweetheart, you are never a burden to me. I would burn the world down with you, if that’s what you needed.”
Relief swelled and rose until it broke through the surface, a small smile curving the edges of her mouth. She lifted a finger to trace his lips before placing a soft kiss on them.
