“Precisely,” I said.
He looked back at me, squinting his eyes some. “Out of curiosity... what made you finally decide to come tonight?”
I shrugged. “I wanted to show I could be social and fun too, I think. But I’m quickly learning that places like this are not right for me.”
“Well, I do think your energy would go further if it was aimed toward some other goal than showing people things.” Jay took off his jacket and tucked his pinstriped shirt into his pants. “The design of this dance is beautiful, but the refreshments leave something to be desired.” He checked his watch for the time. “I’ll have to find a drink instead. But first? A dance!”
Jay jitterbugged his way to the dance floor in a comical way. Had he ever been clumsy? Had he doubted his comfort with his own body? Did he get sweaty and ugly when he danced?
I joined him on the floor. I twisted my feet a little, trying to lose myself in the music, but my dance was forced and the snaps too rehearsed. We drifted toward each other, our snaps findingcommon rhythm. Jay gave my hip a little bump, and I lost balance only for him to catch me by the back of my waist.
Jay grabbed my hand and tried to spin me around, but I did not spin. We would be ridiculed for getting close like this and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
Why would you want me to do that?I asked with my eyes. He merely frowned in response. I don’t think he understood.
I ran off the dance floor and into the hotel lobby, avoiding eye contact with my peers. Jay followed as if it were his duty, but he didn’t say anything even as I continued through the lobby. I stopped in the hallway of first floor rooms, where it was quiet.
“So, you’re following me,” I said, without turning around.
“Well, yes,” Jay said. “We were dancing, and you ran off. What’s the matter?”
“Why did you... why would you do that in front of all those people?” I asked.
“Because I was dancing,” Jay said, snapping his fingers and kicking his foot, lightly. “You know, dancing? Having fun? Try it sometime.”
“You made me look like a ballerina! A bisque doll!”
“Your head is made of bone and flesh—not porcelain—so it never gave the people that.”
I sighed. “I wasn’t supposed to be dancing anyway. If I may ask, please don’t touch me like that in public again.”
He looked at me as if to say,What’s the big deal?His look made me wonder if it even happened, if he really tried to turn me like a girl in front of a crowded room.
What was I to do with my hands under his stare? Jay made me feel out of place in my body and I wanted him to leave.
“Aren’t you supposed to be finding a drink somewhere?” I asked. My voice came out more hostile than I meant it to.
His face fidgeted between amusement and offense. “I guess so?” he said. “Especially if you’re trying to get rid of me.”
“No, I just—”
“Jay!” shouted a voice, and an East Egg girl in a white dress came running down the hallway. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”
This girl, who I’d never seen before, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away. “Join me for a dance?”
He smiled back at her as if she were far more interesting than me. It hadn’t even dawned on me that he could’ve come with a date. But there he was, paddling me again. Reminding me I was just another person craving his time, who he’d have to fit in when he could.
Jay nodded and smiled at me, as if we had only just met. “See you around, friend.”
Friend? Really?How awful of him to walk away with someone else’s hand in the middle of our conversation!Heinvitedmehere, not the other way around!
I walked back to the ballroom, careful not to focus on Jay and his temporary girlfriend. But seeing him walk away with someone else’s hand left pinpricks in my stomach.
I barely knew anyone else here I could feel comfortable talking to, other than Vinny, who was focused on picking up agirl. So, what was the point of staying?
Daisy was being photographed at the photo station, and I informed her I’d be taking off.
“By yourself?” she asked, breaking her pose briefly.
