Was he here to bail me out? To adopt me, even? My heart rebelled at the thought, but I couldn’t deny it—I wanted a father. Even a flawed one.
“Jay really loved you,” Gatsby said after a long pause. He winced, like saying it aloud brought him pain.
The feeling was mutual. “Jay is... Jay was an amazing person. I’m happy I knew him.”
“I wish I could have been there more,” Gatsby murmured, his voice heavy with regret. “I wish I could have made him feel safer.”
I didn’t know what to say. How to comfort the man who’d helped orchestrate a fire that destroyed so many lives? He was guilty. A monster. I would not comfort him.
But I brought Jay into it all myself. Jay was gone because of the choices we made together—because I’d convinced him to take that final risk.
“I just hope he comes back,” Gatsby said, his tone distant, almost wistful.
“Comes back?” I asked, confused. “From the dead?”
“They haven’t told you.” Gatsby’s eyes met mine, startled. “Jay disappeared from his hospital bed.”
My chest rose with hope. “He’s alive?”
“It’s my hope that he is.” Gatsby sighed. “The doctor said his wounds were severe. It’s dangerous for him to have left. But this is all we have.” He slid an envelope under the glass. “It was hidden in his vest pocket. Says it’s for your eyes only.”
I stared at the envelope, my name scrawled in Jay’s handwriting across the front. My hands trembled as I reached for it.
“Wait to open it,” Gatsby said quickly, his eyes darting toward the guards behind him. “Out of respect for your relationship, I left it sealed. And Nick... thank you for being there for him. He was happier after meeting you.”
He focused intently on the table between us, refusing to meet my eyes. “You know, when I was young, my father taught me the only thing a man needed was the will to succeed.” His voice cracked slightly before he forced it back under control. “Said if you looked the part, and spoke the part, youwerethe part. People would believe in you... even ifyoudidn’t believe in you. All that mattered was what people saw.” His mouth twisted into a wince, his eyes reddening. “But I see now, that wearing the mask isn’t enough.
“I wore it too tightly and forgot to uncover what was underneath.” He shook his head, his hands gripping the counter as he took a breath. “Jay saw through me better than anyone ever could. He tried to better me, tobebetter than me, and I am so proud. I thought I could build something lasting. Something my son could be proud of me for. But all I did in the end was destroy it.” He met my gaze then, intensely, suddenly. “Do me a favor, when you see him again? Don’t holdmeagainst him.”
Gatsby hung up the phone before I could respond, his stately facade crumbling the moment he broke my gaze.
But I didn’t know what I’d possibly say to this version of him.
Gatsby? The Great Gatsby? Vulnerable and laid bare?
He stood abruptly, his chair scraping against the floor. As he turned to leave, I watched Gatsby, observing him as if he weresome animal that had escaped his enclosure and didn’t know how to weather the civilized world.
He stood stiff and straight-backed, stilling the emotions on his face, being sure to carry himself with the posture of a man who believed he should look strong, even if inside, he was dying.
He walked off, his composure still intact, nodding at the guard as if sadness could never bend him entirely—as if nothing could.
So, that’s where Jay got it from.
I returned to my cell, my fingers clenching the envelope as if it might vanish from my hand. Sitting on the thin mattress, heart climbing up my windpipe, I slid my thumb under the flap and opened the letter.
Dear Nick,
I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it. I instantly regretted it. I was too afraid to tell you the truth of what I had known and for you to never forgive me. It would have destroyed me—it still may.
Please know I made sure that everyone in the Blue House was safe when I knew it was happening. I’ve been determined to find a way to make amends ever since and so I made a plan of my own when I agreed to yours. While you were absent from the party, I was clearing my father’s safes and sending Z off with the loot. I told Z the truth, and it’s very likely he didn’t turn on me because of the trust you had placed in me. He believed I would do the right thing, thanks to you.
Father, if you’re snooping through my things and seeing this,well—I do love you and Nick at the same time. I can no longer deny that. It was not fair of you to get in bed with Buchanan for the sake of our vision—the deal polluted our mission with West Egg the second it was struck, and your willingness to sacrifice the Blue House boys to the streets proves it. I was not brave enough to stop you then, but I’m brave enough to walk away from you now.
Nick: We will see each other again. Know that no plan is complete without a backup, but I will withhold my cards from this letter in the event unauthorized eyes might come across it.
Just know that I would never leave you behind.
Yours,
