I honestly had nothing to offer beyond a simple burial. The sad part of it all is that Fiona was nowhere to be found. The man who had given her everything, including his son’s soul, still wasn’t enough to be here. I tried calling her to tell her, but her phone was disconnected. I went by the house, but she wasn’t there. So, I gave up. Out of all the years I’ve had with my father, this was the first time I felt a true father-son moment. It’s a shame it had to be by death.
My life was once driven by the belief that I needed him and Fiona somehow to feel free. After disconnecting from them, I realized I had been free all along, yet afraid to truly live.Sometimes, the family you are born into isn’t the family God intends for you. It’s obvious I had to learn the hard way. After his death, I received all his belongings from the hotel, including a letter addressed to me. I had been holding onto it, unsure whether to read it. Now, standing alone in a peaceful place, I decided I was ready to listen to what my father wanted to say.
“To my son Braylen,” I muttered as I opened it.
I unfolded the letter as my eyes began to read his words.
My dearest son Braylen,
I understand that words can never fully express the pain you’ve experienced. However, knowing your pride as a strong man, this might be the only way you'll genuinely hear what I want to say without me having to say it directly. You asked me how a parent who is present can be nonexistent?
Well, it’s a parent who didn’t take the time to cherish the only true gift God had given him. I’m not making any excuses because there are none. What I will say is that I was determined to create a life for you, son, in which you would never have to think about a day of struggle in your life. I got so caught up in wanting the perfect life that I missed every single sign you tried to show me.
Fiona was the worst decision of my life, and I’m sorry that my longing for love and a family led me to do this to you. Every punishment you received, and even those scars on your back, eat away at me, and I will never forgive myself. As I write this letter to you, there are a few things I need you to know and understand. Despite what you feel about me, know that I love you. I love you more than you will ever know or feel. Braylen, you are a smart, intelligent, and brilliant man. Your talents and accomplishments exceed all of my expectations, and whether you believe it or not, I’m so proud of you and what you’ve become.
I hope you don’t let your dark days outweigh your good ones, because you deserve love beyond what I could ever give. You, son, are deserving of everything. I wish I had the courage you have after all you have been through. I wish I could look myself in the mirror and find forgiveness somewhere, but I can’t. The demons that hunt me are ones that I have to surrender to. Braylen, know that even after death, I will still be fighting for your forgiveness until I meet you again. I hope that I could at least get a hug from my son.
Now it’s your time to be free from everything. It’s your time to do what you said you’d do so many years ago. It’s time to end the game and face the monster itself. I love you, Braylen Laureaux. I’ve left all my assets to you. I’ve even set up an account for you that would be more than enough to live on for the rest of your life. Money can’t buy love, but maybe it will hold a temporary space in your heart for me.
I am so sorry. Love,
Your Dad.
A single tear fell from my eye as it landed on his letter. I softly laid the flowers on my father's grave, “Merry Christmas, Dad,” I said as I walked off.
I left all my hurt, pain, and feelings at the cemetery. Those were no longer my burdens to bear, yet my father’s, who needed to face them, even in the afterlife. I headed to Zu’s to help them prepare dinner for Zoomas. The thought of stopping by Paige’s mother’s house crossed my mind, but I decided against it. I’d hoped Paige was enjoying her Christmas, especially with Leek home. When I arrived at Zu’s, I wondered what this event had in store. I laughed, thinking about the last events they tried throwing. It always started well, but somehow ended in disaster.
I got out of my father’s car and entered Zu’s house. The moment I stepped in, chaos had already ensued because theseniggas were navigating the kitchen like maniacs. I glanced over at Peanut, who was sitting on the couch, chuckling. I stepped further inside and took a quick pause as my eyes landed on Mali. He turned in his wheelchair to face me. “Merry Zoomas!” he shouted.
I smiled because he looked good. You could tell him being off the bottle put life back into him. Then a bit of guilt hit me, knowing what was meant for me happened to him. I walked over, leaned down, and hugged him. “I’m happy you're home,” I whispered.
“Man, don’t start that soft shit, but I’m happy to be back,” he said with a smile.
As I stepped further inside, Zu swung a pan, causing me to duck. “Move yo’ ass out the way, nigga!” he shouted.
Zu’s ass was under so much pressure, the nigga’s veins were popping out of his head. Diamond threw his hand up, then poured the mac and cheese mix into the pan. “Calm yo’ ass down. Nigga, this is your habitat. Gorillas always know how to shake and move,” Diamond joked.
Foe came out of the kitchen and shook his head. “Nigga, I’m about to smoke, this shit too much.”
Preach’s head poked around the corner, “Get in here and chop these onions.”
I cackled at their asses. “Ayo, y’all need help?” I asked, seeing they were all losing it.
Chevy cut his eyes at me. “Doesn’t a dog need to eat. What do you know how to cook?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure why they decided to cook for the holidays. Monfua had just pulled a dozen eggs from the fridge as Dio and Streets came rushing into the kitchen with bags, bumping into him. My eyes widened as the eggs flew fromMonfua’s hand, and all of them niggas jumped, turned, and tried catching them before they fell. The eggs clashed against the marble flooring one after the next. Dio tried to step over them but took one too many steps and slipped on the broken eggs. That’s when his ass flew backward onto his back. “Man, fuck!” he shouted.
All of us belted out a laugh that only pissed him off more. He stood, but his legs swooshed back and forth as he tried to keep his balance. “Fuck this, gang. I’m done. I’m not cooking shit,” he gritted.
Diamond’s laughter echoed through the house. “Crybaby ass, get in here and help. I don’t give a fuck how mad you are. If the women can cook for us every time, we can do it for them. Now, come on.”
Streets shook his head. “Y’all are not about to embarrass me. I brought the drinks.”
We let the laughter lead us as everyone pitched in to create a meal for our Zoo family. Chevy tapped my shoulder and nodded for me to step out of the kitchen toward the hall. “You straight?” he asked.
I nodded slowly. “Always,” I told him.
“I heard about your pops. Shit is never easy. My condolences.”
