“Mr. Neal, I’m aware of the no children in the house rule, but this is only for a few hours. She has a fever.”
Fever? “No.” The room tilted. His lungs seized. “Get her out of here.”
Cora touched his shoulder. “Cook didn’t do this. I brought the children here. Please, it’s okay. The little girl won’t be in the way. Don’t send her away.”
The child with damp hair and large eyes peered from under the table. Her thin face, her doll-size body, the dark circles under her eyes, and the pale of her skin all warned of death. No, no, no.
He couldn’t witness this again. Not now, not ever. His insides reeled and roiled and rejected his vow to never have children of his own, knowing what Cora wanted, but he couldn’t betray the facts, no matter how much he desired her.
He tore his gaze from the withering girl and faced Cora, mustering all his strength. “I cannot love you. I will not love you because I’ll never bring new life into this world. I see the way you look at that girl as if she were your own, but I can never feel that. Adopted or by birth, I’ll never allow children into my life again. And I know you’ll never be happy until you have a family.”
Cora grabbed the lapels of his jacket, causing him to stumble over her skirts, but he found his footing. “Get the child out of my house.”
“Wait. Don’t run away. Talk to me,” Cora pleaded.
He unfurled her fingers and pushed her to the side. “I’m not the man for you.” Ed rushed from the room. Past haunts chased him into his office, where he could hide so no one could see him fall apart. He poured himself a drink with shaking hands, the amber-colored liquid splattering onto the table and crystal. The drops rolled down the side of the decanter the way life slipped away.
Images of his little brother wheezing, begging for him to do something to save him, his older sister slipping away in his arms, abandoning his little sister on the front porch of the orphanage. Too much, the ghosts of those he’d failed haunted him. They mocked him in his dreams and now in the day.
He threw the glass into the fire as if to throw away the memories. The alcohol ignited in a puff of flames, and the glass shattered, sending shards into the room. A strong aroma of whiskey and death surrounded him.
He crumpled. His knees hit the hard floor, sending a shooting pain up his thigh. But it didn’t match the pain in his chest. He rubbed his sternum, but the ache continued.
“Why, God? Why would you make me watch another child fade from this world?”
Worse, the look on Cora’s face split his soul in half. He longed to go to her and confess how much he wanted to be with her. That in their short time together, she’d proven herself to be a woman beyond all others he’d ever met. A woman strong enough to survive anything. The other half wanted to send her away now to save himself from having to face her again. To see the pain he’d caused in her stunning eyes. Worse, to see her die because of him. He’d fail her. He’d failed everyone.
Cora stoodin her blue dress waiting in the foyer for Ed to escort her to the Millers’ mansion up the hill. She touched her mouth, remembering the kiss that still tingled on her lips. Her body longed to feel him near her again, but no matter what she’d tried, Ed wouldn’t speak or even open the door to his office.
Footsteps sounded overhead. Her breath quickened. To her disappointment, Ghost appeared at the top of the stairs. “I convinced him not to send his regrets if he wished to save you from ruin.”
“Then he does care?”
Ghost stopped a few feet from her and nodded. “He cares too much, and it scares him. The man’s crippled and not able to walk out of his past.”
Cora wrapped her arms around her middle as if to comfort herself in the absence of Ed’s embrace. “The way he looked at the child was as if he were a man staring down the barrel of a gun at his execution.”
“He’d rather die than see another pass from this world.” Ghost stole a look over his shoulder, moved in a little closer, and whispered, “But I think you can draw him out. Just don’t push. Let him see he can enjoy life tonight.”
“You’re a wise man.” Cora had thought Ghost intriguing since she’d first arrived, and the question burning on her tongue could be held back no longer. “Why are you called Ghost?”
He eyed the stairs and took a step back from her. “I got the name in the war. But that’s not a story I should tell a lady. It followed me because I’ve always been quiet and sneaky and I appear when I’m needed. Ma said I had a special gift from another world ’cause I can sense when I’m needed.”
“You are special, Ghost.” Cora traced the scar along his cheek, and he didn’t pull away. “And this?”
“A reminder not to get caught.”
“Thank you, Ghost.”
“For what?”
“For being you.”
He blushed, and at the sound of steps above, he retreated. “I’ll pull up the carriage. Easy tonight. No talk ’bout important things.”
Cora agreed. They needed to get through the evening without any issues, so she’d channel her inner southern belle, and when he appeared at the stairs, she vowed to be the most congenial lady Ed had ever seen. “Good evening. Don’t you look dashing? We should go before we’re late.”
He paused at the bottom step, his gaze raking over her in a way that caused her to shiver. For the briefest of moments, she thought to run to him, to wrap her arms around him and get lost in a kiss, but she remembered herself and fastened her coat.
