Kiddo. Even Benny was using Cap's word for me now.
I was staring at Jimmy's contact information, trying to work up the courage to call, when my phone rang. For a wild moment, I thought it might be him, that maybe he'd felt the same pull I'd been feeling for days.
But it was my mother's name on the screen.
"Mija," Carmen said, her voice soft with sympathy. I could hear the maternal concern that had been missing from our relationship for years. "I'm so sorry, baby. I know how much he meant to you."
The kindness in her voice almost undid me all over again. "Thanks, Mom."
"How are you holding up?"
It was such a simple question, but it broke something loose inside me. "I'm not," I said, my voice cracking. "I'm really not okay."
"Oh, sweetheart. Do you want me to come up there? I could drive up today — "
"I don't know." I was crying again, which seemed to be my default state lately. "Everything's falling apart, Mom. Mycareer, my personal life... I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
There was a pause, and when Carmen spoke again, her voice carried a gentle but unmistakable note of satisfaction. "Maybe this is a sign, mija."
The words hit me like cold water. "What?"
"I mean, maybe this is the universe telling you it's time to come home. Like we talked about, you could go back to school, get your nursing degree. David's connections at Metro General are still there — "
"Mom." My voice was flat.
"I'm just saying, you've proven yourself. You've shown everyone how strong you are. But maybe it's time to choose something safer. Something that won't put you through this kind of pain."
The disappointment was crushing. Even my own mother couldn't see me as anything but a woman who needed to be rescued from her own choices.
"You think I should quit," I said.
"I think you should consider your options. You're still young, mija. You could have a family, a normal life — "
"With someone like David, you mean. Someone safe."
"There's nothing wrong with safe, Izzy. Look what this job has cost you already. Your father, Captain O'Sullivan, and now this whole mess with that nurse... How much more can you take?"
I closed my eyes, feeling more alone than I ever had in my life. "I have to go, Mom."
"Izzy, wait — "
I hung up and threw my phone across the room, watching it skitter across the hardwood floor. Even my own mother thought I should give up, should choose security over passion, should settle for a smaller life because the big one was too scary.
I picked up Cap's letter again, my vision blurring with fresh tears.
Love isn't a weakness, kiddo. It's the only thing that makes any of this worthwhile.
I was still sitting there, holding the letter and feeling more isolated than I'd ever felt in my life, when my phone rang again. I'd retrieved it from where it had slid under my coffee table, expecting another call from my mother.
But it wasn't Carmen's name on the screen.
It was Jimmy's.
My heart stopped. For a moment, I just stared at the phone, afraid that if I moved, the call would disappear like a mirage.
Then, with shaking hands, I answered.
"Jimmy?"
