“Yeah!” Romi cheers. She loves the toast more than Averi.
“You’re going to help me make breakfast though. Both of you,” I assure them with a smile.
“I ready,” Romi says.
“We gotta find the aprons though, Mommie. We can’t cook without them,” Averi says.
“I’ll find them,” I say, then push the lump that forms in my throat down immediately. For their birthdays last August, my mom had customNana’s Little Cooksaprons made for them with their names. They were kept at her house for when they visited and packed away in a box. I still haven’t gone through my mom’s last boxes.I guess it’s time.“Yeah. I’ll get them,” I tell the girls and both smile. “Are y’all ready to try our sandcastle again?”
“Yes,” they exclaim.
“Are we getting back in the water too?” Averi asks.
“Of course!”
We pack up the food then I secure their swim trainers and arm floaties. With our shovels and buckets, we journey closer to the water and attempt to build our new castle and pool. Our attempt is beautiful and precious but the final outcome is far from a masterpiece. We laugh and cheer as the waves wash it away then we step into the water. Even with their protective wear, we don’t go out far, but we have a blast.
Around four, we rinse off under the outside shower, dry the excess water, then get into my ride, wrapped in our towels. They are both knocked out before I leave The Cove. Playing in the sand and water wore them out. I’m tired too.
The moment we are unloaded and in the house, they bathe, lotion, and climb into my bed while I do the same in my bathroom. When I emerge, they are both asleep but I’m refreshed from my bath. I ease my door closed and head to the third bedroom I have avoided.
When my hand reaches the doorknob, my emotions get the best of me and I freeze. My mission is quickly abandoned and I continue to the kitchen to find courage or something close to it. My brain is screaming wine. There’s a bottle of Divine Wines on the door in my fridge summoning me.
The first glass I pour disappears down my throat and I quickly pour a second. Then I take several deep breaths and exhale before venturing back to the spare room’s door. The sweet red coursing through my veins does its thing and I manage to turn the knob and push it open. Thanks to Kandi and Celeste, the boxes are semi-organized and labeled. I quickly find the two boxes labeled kitchen.
The first box is mostly décor: the large spoon and fork that used to be on the wall above the stove, potholders, a canister set, and a knife block, but no aprons. I rip the tape off the second box and the aprons are right on top. I remove them, shake them out, then lay them on the floor. Then I see the infamous blue spiral notebook,her cooking notes.A smile spreads across my face as I hope and pray her cinnamon toast secret is inside. Making it correctly for my babies would be the perfect ending to our beautiful day at The Cove.
My eyes get a little misty as I lift the notebook and find myself grinning at the memories it holds. My mother could cook but she wasn’t a cook-cook. She couldn’t tell her cornbread wasdone just by smelling it. When cooking spaghetti, she had to throw the noodles on the wall to see if they stick. She followed recipes and suggestions from seasoned Black cooks and would jot down notes.
When I lift it from the box, a white envelope falls out and lands on the small griddle pan in the box. I grab it and seeMy Baby, Adorascrawled in her beautiful cursive handwriting . Puzzled, I hold the envelope for a moment, flipping and examining it. There’s paper inside. My curiosity deepens so I flip it again and open it. It’s a letter.
A letter. She didn’t even really text. She always called instead of texting. Hell, not one day passed that we didn’t speak. Why would she write me a letter?
Within three sentences, I learn why and my whole heart shatters into a million pieces. Each word crushes me, and although I can barely pull oxygen from my lungs, I read every heart-crushing word through my tear laden eyes and break little by little. It feels like my soul is being ripped from my body.
My Adora.
You found it. I knew you would. I’m going to apologize first before I tell you why. I’m sorry I had to do things this way. I really am but I had to. I just did. Sweetheart, one day, as a mother, you will understand why. On March 4th, I went in for my annual and they found a new tumor, two. It’s back, and this time, there’s nothing they can do. It’s in both lungs.
My time to go with God is here and I’m going on my terms. I refuse to watch you suffer, trying to care for me. It would be too much, and before you say no it wouldn’t, it would. The first time wasn’t this and you took time off work, stayed by my side, and wore yourself out. You need to stay whole and strong for those beautiful grandprincesses of mine, your daughters. They deserve all of you and you would not be able to give them that if you have to care for me. Plus, and this is the main reasonI did what I did, I refuse to let you or my babies watch me deteriorate.
My decision was the best decision. The house is yours. You and the babies never have to worry about a place to stay. The policy is a little something for your savings. Do something nice for yourself and the babies though. Please. I worked hard to set this all up for you and them. I need you to enjoy it.
Adora, my whole heart, my love, be mad, be sad, but forgive me. Please never ever forget I love you because I will forever love you with my entire heart.
Chapter 17
Xai
“And how long is this going to take?” I ask the electrician.
“I’m thinking a week. Like I said, we have three other projects but we can work you in, two or three hours an evening,” he responds.
Clean Ridez Too opens in two weeks and I’m here making sure we make the planned June first grand opening. I’ve hired all the employees and the two new front desk clerks start Monday. All equipment has arrived. It will be set up this week. The front lobby area and employee area buildout—with my office, a break room, small storage, and restroom—is done. Furniture and décor are coming at the end of the week.
The main thing I’m worried about is the wiring and security system shit. The company I originally hired flaked on me. I’m thankful for my bruh Rick. He recommended SecureEdge, one of his connections. They are installing and will maintain my electronic security system, including the IP cameras, card readers, and alarm. Until installation is complete, I got outdoor solar security cameras with a monitor. They were delivered and I put them up this morning.
“Bet. I appreciate you.”
