“This goofy,” I utter to myself then take a deep breath to push our entire conversation out of my mind. When I return back into the kitchen, Romi and Averi are both done eating.
“Can I take my other one to school for lunch?” Averi asks, referring to her non-eaten half of her quesadilla.
“Me too, Mommie?” Romi asks but both of her halves are full of small bites.
“You can but I think y’all are going to like what I’m packing instead. Let’s clean this up then pack your lunches. It’s almost time for bed anyway.”
“Yes ma’am,” they say. If they weren’t twenty-two months apart, people would swear they are twins because they talk in unison a lot and complete each other’s thoughts and sentences. They also have the same faces: Rush’s caramel skin but my entire round face, including my dark eyes, long eyelashes, and button nose.
I grab the trays and they follow me into the kitchen. As I place their leftover quesadillas in foil and clean their trays, they grab their little cleaning supplies from under the sink. Because they like to help, I only use all-natural cleaning products. Averi grabs the disinfectant spray and Romi the wipes then they go clean off the table.
When they return to the kitchen, they wash their hands then grab yogurts, Cuties, bottles of water, and juices from the fridge. After I grab their lunch kits and clean them out, I add a mini chicken salad croissant sandwich, one of their favorites, along with the items they retrieved from the fridge. Once their lunch kits are in the fridge, we walk to their room and they climb into their twin beds.
“Mommie, can we put our Little Mermaid stuff up after school tomorrow?” Averi asks.
Their new comforters, curtains, rugs, and Little Mermaid vanities arrived Tuesday and she has been itching to set their room up. The bathroom items arrived last week and it’s all set; we just need to do the room.
“What day is tomorrow?” I ask.
“Wednesday,” she answers.
“And what day did I say we would do the room?”
“Saturday,” she says with a pout and my smile drops.
The past forty-seven days have been hell on them too. They have cried more than I have ever wanted for them and I don’t want to see either of them sad anymore. After leaning in and kissing her forehead, I say, “We can do it tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay,” she gushes before turning onto her side. “Good night, Mommie.”
“Good night, sweetheart.”
I step over to Romi and her little eyes are already closed. I swear she drops off to sleep as soon as her body slides into her bed. I pull her comforter over her then kiss her cheek.
“Good night, baby,” I whisper.
Before walking out of their room, I grab the remote, power on their silent rotating mermaid night light, and set the timer. When the colorful soft-light images of mermaids start dancing on the ceiling and walls, I turn off the main light, walk out, and leave their door cracked. Then I journey back into the kitchen, pour myself another glass of lemon drop, grab the insurance papers and my cell, then plant myself in my momma’s recliner.
After elevating my legs, I dial her number and leave her another voice message that she’ll never hear. I talked to her every day when she was alive and I’m not ready to stop. I don’t know if or when I’ll be ready, so for now, I keep her cell phone on. It was never recovered from the accident and I’m actually hoping somebody might…I don’t know…find it and return it.
She actually had a tiny red note taped on the back of her cell phone case with directions written on it:If found, return to 1424 Crescent Pointe Drive. I teased her about that note all the time because no one wanted that flip phone. With no apps or photos, it was so basic.
I smile through my tears as I think about her then press her contact. As always, my words flow out as soon as the voicemail beeps. “God, I miss you, Momma,” I utter as I stifle my tears.“I’m meeting with the insurance company on Wednesday. They are disputing your policy, claiming it was intentional. They are wrong, right? ’Cause you wouldn’t do that, right?” I begin then sigh. This whole mess with the insurance company is another unneeded stress, especially because I don’t believe what they are alleging. “Why didn’t you tell me your cancer came back? You could have beat it again.”
“Ugh, Momma. You should have told me. The girls and I would have been by your side every day and you know that. We did it before and would have done it again. God, this shit hurts. It really hurts and I’m trying to stay strong for them but it’s hard. They miss you so much and I don’t know how to be you for them. Romi asked me to make her cinnamon toast yesterday. I did and she wouldn’t even eat it because it didn’t taste like yours. I can’t even make your damn toast. You left without telling me your secret ingredient.” I inhale and exhale loudly again. “God, I’d give anything to hear you snap and say, Adora, stop calling so much. Just once. I miss you so much,” I say, then end the call.
Chapter 3
Xai
“God, I’d give anything to hear you snap and say, Adora, stop calling so much. Just once. I miss you so much,” she says and I end the voicemail.
She sounds so sad, sadder than normal.
Listening to her voicemails have become a part of my routine. At first, I listened out of pure curiosity, but after hearing her angelic tone, I continued. Deep down, I know I shouldn’t listen to anyone’s private messages but I can’t stop listening. I almost feel compelled to check the messages and hear her voice. It’s odd as hell but I feel a connection to the voice on the other end, Adora.
I’ve had this phone since that fucking night. When Kadean went to find my phone, he grabbed this one and mine because he was unable to distinguish them in the dark night. When I realized he had grabbed both, something in me wouldn’t let me get rid of hers. I just couldn’t. I was already fucked up about leaving her at the hospital like I did; discarding the phone didn’t feel right.
When we got back to my crib, I couldn’t even look at Kadean or talk to him. He was fucked up anyway and wouldn’t have remembered the shit. I jogged up the stairs to my room, took a long hot shower, then stared at her phone for a long ass time. About an hour later, it started ringing. It rang back-to-back and finally, the caller left a voicemail. Straight curiosity had me trying to check it and there wasn’t any lock or passcode on the phone.
