Re:Might have found the new best dosa in India …
Surprise! It’s me! I’m alive!
Really? That’s how you’re going to kick things off?
He deleted the sentence and tried to start again.
Guess who’s back?
Delete.
Hey there, you.
Delete.
Hi.
He stared at the screen. Five minutes and only one word written.
I’m so sorry I’ve not replied sooner. I picked up a nasty bug and have been laid up in bed for a while. It wasn’t pretty, so I’ll save you the details.
That wasn’t a total lie; he had technically been sick, after all …
I don’t want to believe you’ve found a better-tasting dosa, but I trust you enough to take your word for it. I hope you got to Goa safely, and your career as a yogi is going fantastically. Say hi to the ocean for me.
Jacob x
He looked at the message. The measly output of fifteen minutes’ carefully considered and overly edited work. He hated it. It was cold and formal, and quite frankly it said nothing, but without wasting another second, he clicked send, unable to stare at his pathetic words any longer. Off it went, out into the ether – straight to Olivia, with her blue eyes and freckled skin.
A wave of guilt struck him, followed by a stronger wave of sickness.
His eyes were almost totally closed now, only the tiniest slit of light allowed through between the lids. His head felt so heavy that it was almost too much to keep it upright. He needed to get out of here, away from the sounds of other people typing, and the whirring of machines. He needed the silence and solitude of his bedroom. He needed …
Mum.
The thought took him by such surprise that he snapped his eyes wide open, flooding his system with unwanted sensations. His body screamed in protest as flashes of light swarmed across his field of vision. He tried to stand but found that his right leg had gone so numb it might as well not have been there. And as he fought to stay upright, with the swirling colours now totally blinding him, all he could think to say was her name. Over and over.
‘Mum. I wantMum.’
Olivia
Olivia woke with a start.
Once again, she was the only member of the class still laid out on the floor, dribble crusting her cheeks and limbs splayed out to the sides. How, after three mornings in a row, was shestillfalling asleep during Savasana? It was as though the second she hit the ground, everything switched off. Her aching body, cooled by the hard, wooden floor, the sound of Cece’s low, lyrical voice, and the beating waves of the ocean made it impossible for her to fight the pull of sleep.
‘You need any help, Olivia, or are you all right down there?’ Cece peered over. Her dark, satin hair was twisted into a plait that swung over her shoulder like a piece of glossy rope, begging Olivia to reach out and grab it. Resisting the temptation, Olivia forced herself to sit up, blinking away the flashing lights that darted across her eyes. The same spacious, slightly delirious feeling she’d experienced after the previous two classes made her head spin, and it took her a couple of moments to steady herself.
‘I’m good. Just takes me a little while to come back to earth, I think.’
Cece offered a hand, which Olivia willingly took, pulling her up to standing and drawing them to eye level. Deepest blue staring into brightest orange. Water into fire.
‘It was another intense one today, huh?’
‘Yeah.’ Olivia flushed with embarrassment. ‘When does that ever stop?Pleasetell me it stops.’
Cece cracked a smile, but Olivia couldn’t join in with the amusement. It had been another session of deep, heartbreaking, soul-shattering crying. How much more grief existed inside her? It felt like more than a lifetime’s worth and yet it continued, wave after wave, pouring from the centre of her being, out into the space around her.
