You can’t ever look Cece in the eye again.
‘… witnessing and accepting them, but not holding on …’ Cece’s voice was getting quieter and quieter.
You can’t look anyone here in the eye again!
Olivia’s body grew heavy, and the thoughts, whilst still whirring ominously through her mind, seemed to grow fainter and fainter.
‘Allow this moment to be one of complete surrender …’
What was Cece saying? It was becoming harder and harder to hear.
‘Just total and complete … surrender …’
*
Olivia blinked her eyes open and stared up at the sky.
‘If everyone could quietly roll up their mats and leave anyone who is still resting to come round in their own time,’ Cece instructed softly, triggering a wave of rustling and shuffling amongst the students.
Reluctantly, Olivia turned over on to her side and pushed herself upright, stretching her arms above her head and scrunching her toes together tightly. The movement made her head swirl.
‘Hey, how are you doing down there?’
Olivia turned her head to find Cece crouched down beside her. How was she doing? Confused? Totally and utterly embarrassed? Sad …
‘Yeah, I’m OK. Tired, but OK.’
‘I’m not surprised you’re tired, that was a big release.’ Cece eyed Olivia with concern. ‘You want me to help you up?’
‘No, no, I’m good,’ Olivia replied, ungracefully making her way to standing; her legs felt like they were made of lead and jelly all at the same time. She looked around the platform; everyone else had disappeared. ‘Please don’t tell me I was the only one who fell asleep?’
Cece placed a warm hand on her arm. ‘Of course you weren’t. Simon at the back there dozed off towards the end, and Jane goes from awake to snoring in less than twenty seconds. And like I said’ – her face softened further – ‘you had a big release.’
‘I just wish my releases didn’t have to be sopublic.’
‘Ah, the emotional hangover?’ Cece chuckled. ‘I’ve had my fair few of those in my time.’
‘I’d take fifty tequila shots over this any day.’
‘Really? I think if people had the courage to express their feelings more openly, this world would be a much better and healthier place.’
Of course Cece thought that way. Of course she’d have everyone go around spewing their deepest, darkest emotional secrets out into the world. Have everyone wallow in their self-pity and sorrow, sitting around drinking green juices and burning incense. But what about real life? Where was the time for that in real life?
‘Maybe,’ Olivia grunted.
‘You don’t believe me?’ Cece smirked, flicking her hair over her shoulder. ‘Let me ask you, how are you feeling? Beneath the tiredness and the embarrassment. How do you feel in your body now?’
Olivia took a moment to check in. Shewastired, therewas no doubt about that, and her legs felt like they’d run a marathon. But as she let herself drop down below those sensations, she found that, strangely, there was a spaciousness within her that wasn’t there before. Almost as though her soul had let out a long, deep sigh.
‘I feel … lighter? Maybe?’
‘See!’ Cece tidied the last few mats away and ushered Olivia to follow her outside. ‘When we express, we no longer suppress. And when we no longer suppress, we createspace. We give ourselves more freedom on the inside. Does that make sense?’
‘Kind of,’ Olivia lied, her brain still foggy from exhaustion.
‘Good. Now, make sure you eat something hearty for breakfast. It’s important to ground down after practices like that.’
‘OK.’ Olivia wasn’t quite sure what ‘grounding down’ was, but she nodded obediently anyway. ‘By the way, before I forget …’
