‘OK, hands in front of the chest, inhale … and exhale, push away.’
The space filled with noise: grunts and groans and fiery exhales.
‘Good. And inhale, straighten the legs, bring the hands to the chest … and exhalerelease.’ Cece’s voice rose loudly, spurring the others on to make even more noise.
Olivia stood silently, watching the strange phenomenon around her.
This is stupid.
This is ridiculous.
‘Now I want you to close your eyes and repeat it, over and over, falling into the rhythm.’ Cece began to walk between the mats. ‘Let this become a moving meditation.’
Olivia knew exactly where Cece was heading. Quickly, she closed her eyes and tried to blend in with the rhythmic chanting of the others. Her breathing was light and silent, her hands mimicking the motions half-heartedly.
‘Let go of the ego. Don’t worry about what it looks like.’ Cece’s voice grew stronger. ‘Tap into what it feels like.Feelinto the movement.Feelinto the body. If you want to stamp your feet, do it. If you want to scream and shout,do it! You deserve to be heard. You deserve to take up space!’
Olivia sensed someone standing behind her.
‘Keep going, Olivia,’ Cece whispered. ‘Let the thoughts come, let the emotions come. Just keep moving and keep breathing. Feel what needs to be felt.’
Ridiculous – was that a valid emotion to feel? Olivia wondered.
‘Inhale … exhale … inhale … exhale …’
The platform pulsated with breath, the noises getting louder and louder, the stamping more insistent and almost threatening.
‘Let go,’ Cece demanded.
Olivia scrunched her eyes tighter.
‘Let go of thinking …’
But all I do is think.
‘Let. Go!’ Cece shouted, as the noise of the class rose to meet her command.
The stamping of feet was so heavy, so full of anger, that the entire platform shook from the impact. The roaring wails that tore through the air, the cries of anguish, the screams of jubilation, one after the other, pressed in on Olivia like a series of physical blows. It was too much. It was all too much.
Olivia wanted to run, to push her way through the sea of crazy people and back into the safety of her little hut. To run from everything and everyone. But each time she made to move, to open her eyes, to do something other than stand frozen on her mat, she couldn’t.
This trip is stupid.
I hate it.
I hate this whole fucking thing.
She didn’t think it was possible, but the sound from the class had reached an even higher volume. And yet, despite the deafening racket, she could hear Cece right behind her.
‘Inhale … exhale …’ She quietly repeated the words, like a mantra in her ear. ‘Inhale, bring the hands in, exhale, push them away … You can do this, Olivia.’
No, I can’t.
I want to go home.
I want to go home and see my sister.
Tears began to pour down Olivia’s cheeks, merging with the sweat that was glistening across her skin.
