She paused. It was the tiniest hesitation in which, for a second, she imagined giving in to her logical brain; betraying Fin’s wishes for once in her life and doing the sensible thing. The thing she should have done a long time ago.
Call someone.
This has gone too far.
You can’t do this again.
‘We need to get you cleaned up before anyone else sees you,’ she whispered, pushing the voice of reason aside swiftly.
‘Thank you,’ he groaned, closing his eyes again.
‘Can you sit up for me?’ she begged. He was too heavy for her to lift alone. ‘I can’t do this if you don’t help me.’
Slowly, very slowly, he moved himself up to sitting. Dark purple bruises flushed angrily against the pale white skin of his arms. Her heart surged with angst. There were so many questions she wanted to ask but she knew now was not the time.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered softly in his ear. ‘Now, can you stand for me?’
‘Mhm.’ Another slight nod of the head. Thankfully Eleanor was strong; trying to take his weight was not easy. Eventually they were upright, and only then was the full extent of the chaos revealed.
His clothes were ripped; cuts and bruises flashed aggressively through the material. She didn’t know where to hold him for fear she would hurt him even more.
‘I think … I think I’ve had an accident, Elles.’
His voice was so small and childlike it pained her to hear it.
‘You can tell me what happened after we get you cleaned up, OK? We need you sober before we do anything.’ All she could focus on was keeping him moving, one foot in front of the other towards the bathroom.
‘No,’ he moaned. ‘I’ve had anaccident.’ His head dropped down and Eleanor followed his gaze.
His trousers were soaked through.
‘I’m sorry, Elles. I’m so, so sorry.’
‘I know you are. I know.’ Her voice remained surprisingly calm despite her heart breaking in her chest.
*
It took over an hour to get him cleaned up and safely back into bed. Eleanor had almost had to get in the shower with him for fear he’d fall over and crack his head on the tiles. The entire time she had to block out his desperate cries of apology in order to maintain some semblance of emotional control. Her tears wouldn’t help anyone.
As soon as his head hit the pillow, he fell asleep. If she hadn’t witnessed all the destruction, she could easily be forgiven for thinking he looked at peace. But Eleanor knew there was trouble brewing behind his calm serenity.
Only when she was certain he was lost to the world of dreams did she allow herself to cry. Curling herself around his slight frame, she held on and breathed in the smell of his freshly washed T-shirt, and sobbed.
When did it all get so complicated?
Eleanor closed her eyes and prayed for the simple days of childhood, when all that mattered to them was playing outside, getting pizza for dinner and being able to have sleepovers. Now everything seemed out of control. The only person in the world she thought she knew inside out was becoming a mystery to her. Was this what growing up was?
I don’t want it.
Take it back.
She woke from an anxious sleep still wrapped around Fin, who was now awake and staring at the ceiling.
‘How long have I been out for?’ she groaned.
‘Not long.’ He was quiet, not even daring to look at her.
‘How do you feel?’ She sat up and brought his face down to meet hers.
