Fin leant into the chair, balancing his weight on two legs. He rocked back and forth for a while, contemplating all the other things he could be doing with his time.
Eating biscuits and watching Netflix?
Hardly important business.
This was why he liked to be busy. Distraction drowned out the noise inside his head; without it, the voices could become overwhelmingly loud. Fin scanned the room in search of some form of entertainment. His eyes quickly passed over his parents’ wedding photograph, allowing the flicker of resentment to burn freely. He craned his neck and saw another photograph tucked behind it. A small bundle of flesh with a mass of ginger hair was peeking out from the glass. Fin’s heart leapt with recognition and he was about to reach over and grab it when he noticed, next to the pictures, a weathered and worn-out puzzle book. He carefully plucked it from the bedside table.
‘Aha! You should keep me busy for a while,’ he muttered under his breath, flicking the pages open to a blank crossword.
‘Four down …’ he murmured, lost in thought. ‘Where gardening could be child’s play.’ Fin flicked his pen against the front of his teeth. ‘Oh!’ he exclaimed. ‘I got you. Nursery.’
A croaking noise pulled his attention away from the puzzle. His mum was stirring, stretching her withered limbs and opening her eyes. The second she saw him, she gasped.
‘Are you all right?’ He edged closer. She looked too fragile to even touch.
‘You came,’ she breathed.
‘Of course I did. Are you OK?’ He tried to assess her for any potential damage.
‘You came back, Brian.’ She sighed with relief. ‘I knew you would.’
Fin jerked his head back.
What?
‘Brian.’ She shot out her bony hand and grasped his wrist tightly. ‘I’ve missed you. Please don’t go again.’
Fin looked around for any source of help. What the hell was he supposed to do in this situation?
‘I’m not Br—’ he stammered, her grip on his arm tightening.
‘I know you say you love her. I know you say this time is different, but please. You have to stay with us,’ she pleaded. ‘Fin needs us. Don’t you see that?’
‘You’re confused,’ he whispered, fighting the urge to pull her hands off him. ‘I need to get help.’
‘No!’ she screeched, her eyes blazing with panic. ‘Don’t leave. You can stay with her. I don’t care, just don’t leave us,please. Not until Fin is at least old enough to move out.’ Tears were falling down her cheeks. ‘He needs us more than ever. A united front, Brian. That’s what he needs. We can be a family again, I know we can. We’ve done it before, right?I’ve turned a blind eye for the sake of our son before. Can’t you let me do it again?’
Fin felt as though his heart were breaking for the both of them. He was rooted to the spot, floored by the wave of questions that assaulted him.
‘Brian.’ She shook his arm. ‘Say something. Say you’ll stay?’
Suddenly he snapped back into life. ‘Mum, it’s me, Fin.’ His voice was shaking despite his best efforts. ‘I’m going to get some help, OK? I need you to wait right here.’ He slowly unpeeled her fingers from his wrist.
‘No,’ she screamed again. ‘Brian, come back.’
Fin turned and practically sprinted from the room, unable to stand the look on her face any longer.
‘Don’t leave me, Brian,’ she wailed. ‘I’ll be better. I’ll do better.’
He slammed the door behind him and hurtled down the corridor, the cries of his mother echoing loudly through the home.
‘Nurse Clara,’ he shouted as he burst into reception. ‘It’s my mum. She …’ He shook his head. ‘She needs help.’
‘It’s OK, Fin.’ She sprang into action immediately, coming round the other side of the desk and placing a firm, calming hand on his back. ‘Wait right here. I’ll go to her now.’
Fin shook his head even harder, wishing he could shed the last few moments completely. ‘I can’t stay here.’ His heart was racing and his head was whirring. He needed to go. To think. To scream. To be anywhere but here. ‘I have to go.’ He stood up and headed towards the exit.
‘Fin, please wait,’ Nurse Clara called after him.
