‘The day of Eileen’s funeral, after I left Mum’s, I went over to Fin’s. He was drunk when I got there.’
‘Well, I’m not surprised judging by the number of bottles in his bin,’ Freya commented. ‘Go on …’
‘We argued.’ Eleanor’s voice trembled but she managed to regain composure. ‘It was bad. Really bad.’ She shuddered at the memory.
‘Have you spoken to him since?’
Eleanor shook her head; the burden of Fin’s words was becoming too heavy to carry by herself.
‘Why not? Surely whatever was said can be forgiven, especially now he’s holed up in the hospital?’ Freya implored.
‘Over there’ – she pointed by Freya’s foot – ‘is a letter from Fin. I found it in the belongings the hospital gave me when I went to visit. Read it.’
Eleanor watched as her sister reached down and fished the letter from the floor. She tried to analyse any hint of emotionas Freya read the piece of paper. Eventually, her sister came to sit next to her on the sofa.
‘Wow,’ Freya whispered.
‘Yeah.’ Eleanor sighed.
‘So … what are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know,’ she replied feebly. ‘After I read it, I completely freaked out and ran away before getting a chance to see him.’
‘Well, you have to do something.’ Freya shook the letter in front of her face. ‘You can’t just ignore this and hide away in here for ever.’
‘I know that,’ Eleanor snapped. ‘Don’t you think I know that?’
‘And you haven’t spoken to Fin since?’
‘No.’
‘Have you told Ben?’
‘No!’ Eleanor cried.
‘Are you going to?’ Freya asked, her questioning starting to grate abrasively on Eleanor’s brain. This was why she wanted to figure things out on her own before involving anyone else. It was already complicated enough without adding other people’s commentary to the mix.
‘I don’tknow.’ She stood and began to pace back and forth. ‘It’s such a mess.’
‘Let’s simplify it then,’ Freya said breezily, as though this was nothing more than a difficult homework question. ‘What if we ignore Ben for a second.’
‘How can we ignore Ben? He’s my boyfriend.’ Eleanor flung her arms up in the air. ‘I have a boyfriend, Freya.’
‘And do you like him?’
Eleanor was staring at her sister in amazement. How stupid was she? ‘Yes, I like him! What’s not to like? He’s niceand kind and treats me better than I’ve ever been treated before in my life.’
Freya shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Just because someone is nice to you, doesn’t mean you want to be with them. There are plenty of nice people in the world, Eleanor.’
‘This isn’t helping,’ she grumbled, her mind feeling even more full than it had before her sister barged in and began grilling her with idiotic questions.
‘I’m trying to get to the bottom of how you really feel, that’s all. If you liked Ben so much then Fin’s letter wouldn’t be a problem, would it? If you had no feelings for Fin whatsoever then there would be no room for confusion.’
By this point Eleanor felt fit to burst. ‘Obviously I have feelings for Fin. He’s my friend. Hewasmy best friend. He was who I spent my whole childhood loving. But he left, Freya. He left and when he did come back … he couldn’t even show up for me.’
‘He came back?’ Freya interjected.
‘For Dad’s funeral. He made it back but Oliver told him to go. Said he wasn’t wanted. And instead of standing up for himself, he went and got drunk and felt too ashamed to tell me. He left without saying a word.’ Eleanor could see Freya’s jaw fall open. ‘Then, guess what? Fourteen years later, he decides to return and confess his love to me in a drunken letter. I mean, who knows if he evenmeantwhat he said?’ Her voice was so loud now, the frustration of it all erupting out of her.
