‘Absolutely not! Turns out one of George’s cousins is pretty much about to give birth, and so she and her wife have decided to stay home and avoid risking the journey.’ There was a hint of bitterness in her voice. ‘Whichmeans… there’s a space for you! For the whole day, if you want it? You’ll be stuck with her menu choice, but from what I can remember you eat pretty much anything, right?’
Fin hesitated for a moment. Doubt began to inch its way to the surface of his mind. Was he really going to do this?
You sent the email in the first place.
‘Only if you’re sure?’ he replied cautiously.
‘Yes, I’m sure! This is such brilliant news. How long has it been since I last saw you? It has to be like twenty years or something crazy.’
‘Not quite, but yeah, definitely a long time.’ He smiled to himself. After all these years, she was still the same one-thousand-miles-an-hour Kate he’d grown up with. ‘How are you feeling about the big day? Nervous?’
‘There’s still a couple of bits left to do but we are pretty much ready to go.’
‘I can’t believe little Kate Crossley is getting married.’ He yawned as he indulged in another long stretch. ‘When did we get so old, hey?’ He forced himself up and out of bed.
‘Don’t! I’m getting about ten new wrinkles a night these days.’ She groaned. ‘Anyway, I won’t keep you, I’m sure you’ve got loads to be doing and people to be catching up with. I only wanted to check in and make sure you were all sorted for transport and accommodation and everything?’
‘All good, Kate, no need to worry about me.’
‘Wonderful. I’ll see you next Saturday, then?’
He couldn’t help but laugh at the ever-present element of doubt that he would show up.
‘You bet. See you then.’
Fin stared around at the apartment, Kate’s words echoing in his head.
I’m sure you’ve got loads to be doing and people to be catching up with.
There was a reason that Fin had left home and never come back. London held nothing for him any more. There was nobody here for him to catch up with. No friends to reach out to and surprise with his unplanned visit. There was only one person he needed to catch up with, only one person he’d flown all this way to see, and despite time being of the essence he knew deep down that he wasn’t going to be able to face his mum today. There was never a good time, in Fin’s mind, for emotional confrontations, but to do it when jetlagged and tired? No. He needed more time to prepare, to ready himself to face the situation.
‘Tomorrow,’ he bargained with himself. ‘I’ll go and see her tomorrow.’
Eleanor
Find dress for Kate’s. Call Freya. Buy more wine. Send Catherine new proposal deck. Find dress for Kate’s. Call Freya. Buy more wine. Send Catherine new proposal deck.
The thoughts were going round and round as she pounded the pavement. Wasn’t running supposed to switch off her thinking brain? Ten miles later and she still hadn’t managed to turn the volume down on her thoughts. Her legs felt good today though. Strong and surprisingly full of life after another sleepless night. If only she’d had the luxury of time, she would have gone for another five more, but life wasn’t going to afford her that.
Stretch. Shower. Coffee. Breakfast.
Her stomach instantly contracted. She was trying; she really was. But food had lost all meaning and enjoyment since the break-up. No matter what she put in her mouth, the moment it touched her lips it seemed to transform into a heavy ball of cardboard. Cloying. Claggy. Inedible. The days she did manage to force something down, it would sit like a rock in the pit of her stomach. Besides, she hadenough weight to carry in her heart without adding more to the pile.
Eleanor hadn’t noticed the weight loss at first; in fact she hadn’t noticed much at all in the days after the break-up. The inky mist of grief had filled every corner of her consciousness, blanking out everything but her own pain. But now, as she pulled off her sweaty running kit, she couldn’t ignore the sharp angles of her body. The bones rising to the surface, stretching the skin back to reveal their pointed peaks. Eleanor closed her eyes; it was easier not to look some days.
Her mother’s voice rang out shrilly in her mind: ‘men don’t like bones’.
Fuck what men like.
One quick shower, a change of clothes and a shot of espresso later, and Eleanor was on her way to work. As she settled herself on the Overground, she reached for her phone. Although her commute was a deliciously short thirty minutes, she still had to find a way to fill every second. The busier she was, the less time she had to drown herself in memories. Her fingers found their way almost unconsciously to Kate’s number.
Could she honestly face turning up to the wedding by herself?
Just as she was about to message, she remembered the New Year promises she’d made to herself. What was the last one?
Find love.
No. The other last one.
