Shut up.
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ she demanded, her fear quickly morphing into anger.
‘Sorry.’ He held his hands up in surrender. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you.’ He took a step closer to her, the streetlamp throwing his features into an orange glow. It was funny; looking at him now, the face she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with looked old and a little tired.
‘Well, you did.’ She folded her arms defensively, the post-art class bubble officially burst.
‘Can I come in?’ he asked meekly.
‘Why?’ she asked, her brain still trying to work out the reason for his visit.
He wants the flat back.
Violent waves of panic crashed over her.
This is it. He’s kicking you out.
‘You don’t need to look so scared.’ He laughed, reaching his hand out to touch her arm. Eleanor found herself recoiling; the thought of him holding her was unbearable now.
‘Ouch. OK, I deserved that,’ he acknowledged.
‘Oliver.’ She was pleading now, aching to know why, after all these months of complete and utter silence, he was now standing in front of her on her doorstep. ‘What are you doing here?’
He dropped his head and wrung his hands nervously. ‘I came …’ He lifted his chin to look at her. ‘I came to say I’m sorry. I came to see if we could talk things through.’
Eleanor felt the ground shift beneath her. A thousand questions assaulted her at once, making her sick with confusion. Emotions collided into one another, crashing and screaming for her attention.
‘I know.’ Oliver took another tentative step towards her. He was looking at her as though she was a wild animal ready to bolt at any second. ‘I know I left, and I know I have no right to show up on your doorstep like this and ask for another chance, but … Eleanor, I’m going crazy without you. I made a mistake. Surely you can see that. Look at me! I’m a mess.’
She didn’t move, she didn’t dare move an inch.
This isn’t real.
This is a dream or some kind of hallucination.
‘I was an idiot and I want to come back. Come back to you, to our home, to our life together.’ He made his eyes so big and hopeful that it sent a spike of resentment through the core of her.
‘What life?’ she replied coldly.
Oliver’s face fell. ‘Our life, the one we built together.’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘It wasn’t our life. It wasyourlife. I just happened to be a part of it.’
‘You don’t mean that.’ He laughed, as though her words were nothing more than nonsense.
‘Yes, I do.’ She found the rage rising up from the very bones of her. For months after he left, she’d dreamt of seeing Oliver again. Of this very moment. Him, coming back to her. Pleading for a second chance. A chance to resume her life as it was before he broke her heart and walked away without a glance. But that wasn’t her any more. That Eleanor no longer existed.
Oliver went to speak but she cut him off. ‘Do you know what I would have given to hear from you after you left? I wasdyingto speak to you, Oliver. I didn’t leave this flat for weeks. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t get up because it hurt too much to exist in a world without you. All I wanted was an explanation for why you broke up with me. But there was nothing. You couldn’t even be bothered to call me. After sixteen years the only thing you could do was send me an email about the fucking finances for the fucking flat. And now you want me to take you back?’
He shifted uncomfortably, squirming with every true word she spoke. ‘Because that was how it worked, wasn’t it?’ She narrowed her eyes and took a decisive step towards him, pulling herself up tall and proud. This was her homenow. This was her life now. ‘You dictated everything. You decided every little bit of our life together, and the worst part is that I let you do it!’
‘Eleanor, we can do things however you want,’ he simpered pathetically. ‘I can change. Ihavechanged.’
She took a moment to look at him. To stare into the face of the man she would have given her life for, to try and find any scrap of longing or desire. But the only thing left inside her was pity.
‘And so have I. I don’t want you back. I don’t want you anywhere near me. Do you hear?’ She was so close to him that she could see his pupils retract in shock. ‘Do. You. Hear. Me?’
‘You can’t do this.’ His sweet exterior swiftly switched into furious outrage.
