He could feel his shoulder getting damp as she cried tears of relief.
‘Come on, Mum. You’re soaking me over here!’ He gently held her out in front of him and gave her a kiss on the cheek. There was so much love in her eyes he felt it physically wash over him.
‘Can’t a mum be happy that her boy is coming home?’
‘Not when you drop a perfectly good Yorkshire on the floor in the process.’ Robert winked at Alfie as he reached for the rogue pudding that had been flung to the floor in the commotion.
‘Your emotional capacity is less than one of my Yorkshires’, I can tell you that for certain. Oh, Robert, give me that – don’t put it back on someone’s plate, for heaven’s sake.’
The two men smiled at each other. His mother had successfully been distracted.
‘Do you want to pass this through to your friend, Alice?’ She was holding out a plate to him.
‘No, don’t worry, I’ll take that one. She wasn’t well yesterday so I’m guessing she’s sleeping. Best to leave her to it.’ He hoped they didn’t notice his voice drop to a whisper.
‘Oh dear. Is she OK?’
Shut it down, Alfie, shut it down quickly.
‘She’s fine, just a bit of a rough night. Give me a plate and I’ll give it to her later when she’s feeling better.’
‘Sure. Take this one. Pass on our best, will you?’ His mum looked so concerned he couldn’t face lying to her again. He simply nodded and prayed Alice hadn’t heard his lie.
‘So, how are we going to celebrate your homecoming then? I’m thinking a family gathering at ours. Obviously youcan invite the boys too, and then we can drive over the next day to your flat and sort out any adjustments you need to make …’
Alfie sat back with his food and let his mum talk at him. It was easier that way.Don’t push against the tide; just choose the path of least resistance and flow with it.Although he couldn’t help but wonder if anything would feel easy without Alice to talk to.
53
Alice
One moment she was being ignored. Then they were talking. And now, no one was talking. She couldn’t quite work out who was ignoring whom any more, and it all happened so quickly Alice barely had the chance to get her head around it.
The only thing she knew was that he wassoangry at her for having the operation, and for the life of her she couldn’t work out why he couldn’t move past it. Why did it bother him so much?
Hadn’t the whole reason he’d shut her out been because she’d been too paralysed by fear to do anything?
Now that she was actually doing something about it, apparently that was wrong too.
She couldn’t deal with it any more. Having other people involved in your life just complicated everything. This was exactly why she had learnt to keep herself to herself.
No one else needs to have a say or opinion on what you do. You’re the only one who gets to decide.
Through the night she could hear him tossing andturning. At first every rustle of his bed sheet sparked more anger; why did he have to be so noisyall the time? Then a perverse little voice inside her reminded her that the more he tossed and turned, the more he was struggling with himself. She let herself imagine him so caught up in his own guilt that the more he struggled, the tighter the sheets got. Good. He deserved it.
However, it also meant she wasn’t sleeping either. She was consumed by an endless loop of thoughts that went around and around in her mind. As the hours crawled by she began to master the technique of ignoring them all, until one practically hurled itself at her.
Sarah.
She’d been so caught up in everything that she realized she hadn’t even checked to see if Sarah had got back OK. Alice grabbed her phone and switched it on.
Message from SarahBFF3 July 16.58
Hey my love. Landed safe and sound. Drank myself to sleep with the free champagne so it wasn’t a bad flight. I miss you already. So much. Keep me posted onEVERYTHING, please. Send my love to Alfie. I love you xx
Message from SarahBFF5 July 12.04
OK, it’s me again, just checking in and being an annoying best friend. I know the ward is super fun and Alfie has probably got you out doing rock climbing or something ridiculous, but please just let me know you’reOK? Love you xxx
